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This is one of 150+ Web articles exploring factors that
promote relationship and family health and satisfactions. This brief
introduction describes the site's purpose, author, and
the best ways to use this information. Each article is part
of a
mosaic of related ideas, so the more you read, the more sense
they'll all make.
This article is
one of a
series describing effective thinking, communicating, and
problem-solving. The series summarizes seven learnable
communication (relationship)
that are essential for building high-nurturance relationships and
resolving social conflicts effectively.
The unique guidebook
(Xlibris.com, 2001) integrates the key
Web articles and resources in this nonprofit Web site, and provides
many practical resources.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified
professional help.
Before continuing, stop and reflect - why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
THIS
article overviews:
Awareness skill is
the core requisite for the six other effective-communication skills. It is a subset of
general emotional + physical + mental + spiritual awareness. Developing
is essential for
false-self
Most busy adults and all
kids are unaware of
their unawareness, and its effect on their relationships, contentment, health, and serenity. Is that true of you?
What is
Awareness?
Try saying out loud how you
would answer a child asking "What does 'awareness' mean?"
Here, awareness
refers to what you're conscious of now and over time.
Metaphorically, consciousness has been likened to the
sphere of vision created by a light in a dark cave. Your current
awareness is comprised of mental (cognitive) +
+
components.
Mental awareness can include (a) didactic and
experiential knowledge and (b)
subjective perceptions and conclusions about
yourself +
other people + relationships + your past and current environments.
Spiritual growth may be defined as "increasing your spiritual
awareness as you age."
See how you feel about these premises - A = "I agree,"
D = " I disagree," and ? = "I'm not sure, or it
depends on (what?)"
-
Adults, kids, and
infants have three levels of awareness; conscious,
semi-conscious, and unconscious. All three combine to
cause current-moment
(discomforts), thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. (A D
?)
-
Anyone (like you) can
intentionally benefit by expanding their conscious
awareness (increase the "light") by
and
regularly. (A D ?)
-
Conscious and semi-conscious
awareness is limited by (a)
knowledge
(beliefs about life on Earth),
and (b) vocabulary
available to describe personal knowledge, beliefs, and
perceptions. Both can be intentionally improved over time. (A
D ?)
-
Human conflict is promoted by
(a) differences in people's perceptions and awarenesses, and (b)
their inability to communicate objectively and cooperatively
about this difference. (A D ?)
-
Part of
general awareness is
which is the focus of this article. Once people are aware
of it, they can intentionally improve this awareness and their
and
effectiveness. (A D ?)
-
Teaching kids to be aware of
their awareness, and to want to intentionally expand
and use it, is a priceless life-long gift that aware
caregivers can bequeath. (A D ?) Do you do
this? Did your childhood caregivers? Not doing it is
usually a sign of false-self dominance + unawareness + ignorance
(lack of knowledge).
Premises - (a) typical
of low-nurturance childhoods (i.e. most people - like you?)
are often unaware of their unawareness; and their (b)
well-meaning
limit and distort local and chronic personal awareness.
These
promote many personal and social
Implication: intentionally
your true Self to
your personality (i.e. working patiently at
will
clarify and expand your awareness levels. That will help you to fill
more current needs (solve problems) effectively more often ("be
happier and healthier").
Pause and reflect on what you just read. What are your ruling
subselves
now?
What
is
Communication Awareness?
This learnable skill helps in
all interpersonal situations, including
interactions among your talkative
"Communication
(process) awareness" is
the learnable skill of intentionally noticing at least seven of
over
50 factors in and between you and a communication partner.
|
Are our true Selves
in charge? Where
are we focused?
What are our
sequences and patterns? |
R(espect) messages?
Which communication
skills should I use now? |
Do
our communication needs match or clash now?
What was our
communication outcome - needs met or not? |
Habitual
process awareness
raises the odds that
you try to problem-solve
will not amplify your problems
(unmet needs).
How To
"Do"
Communication
Awareness
For initial perspective,
invest a few moments in this simple
Then experiment with
achieving basic (vs. full) awareness by asking
yourself - and optionally any partner - seven or more questions about any
current interpersonal situation:
Awareness
Question 1)
"Who's in charge of our personalities
now - our
or a
This will make sense
to you after you learn who
are.
Question 2)
"What
are we each receiving now?" The options are:
"You're
1-up: you (seem to)
rank your
current needs as superior to mine";
"You're
1-down: you (seem to) rank your current needs as
inferior to
mine"; and...
"We're
equal: you (seem to)
rank your
needs and dignity and mine as equally valid and important now."
Question 3)
"Do our respective
communication
needs match now?" Humans behave in order to reduce
discomfort (needs) and gain pleasure. After 40+ years' study, I can only
see six needs adults and kids
try to fill by communicating with other people:
-
to
gain or keep respect
(a
constant); plus the needs...
-
to give or get
information;
and/or...
-
to
vent - be empathically heard
and accepted; and/or...
-
to
cause action (change) in
your partner/s, including shifting the emotional distance between
us. This can also be the need to feel locally powerful, vs. powerless.
And/or people need...
-
stimulation - i.e. to cause excitement (reduce apathy and
boredom); and/or we communicate...
-
to
avoid discomforts like
silence,
conflict, loss, overwhelm, guilt, or anxiety (fear).
In any
verbal or nonverbal exchange,
you and each partner seek self and mutual respect and one or more of
these other five needs. If your
communication needs don't match mine now (e.g. you
need to vent, and I need to cause action) -
we have a communication-
In
important situations, we need to (a) stay aware of this, and (b) use
our other six
to align our
local communication
needs well enough (e.g. you need to vent, and I need to get information
and strengthen our relationship).
Can you think of a recent time when
you and a partner tried to force your communication needs to match
("I insist that you (want to) listen to me now!") without
awareness
of what you (your subselves) were doing?
Awareness
Question 4)
"Where are
we each focused now?"
Four key "focus
zones"
are ...
Time: are we focusing on the
past, the
present,
or the future?;
Topic are we focusing on
(a) you, (b)
me,
(c) us, or (d) something else? Restated; "Are we
each maintaining two-person
in this conversation?
Our process: are we both focusing
on (a) the same topic, (b) different topics, or (c) do we have
no clear topic? See this research summary for perspective
on widespread defocusing in
America. And...
are we focused on (a)
surface problems (awareness-level 1), (b)
our core primary needs (level 4), or (c) something in
between?
| Communications
usually work best if all people involved are steadily focused on (a) the present,
and on a
subject of interest to everyone. If people aren't
aware of their
communication focus in key situations, they risk not filling their
respective needs and frustration. Do you agree? |
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/02/awareness.htm
"Below my ears" (i.e. I'm calm enough to really hear
you) 
"Above your ears" (you're very emotional and can't hear me well or
at all now - you need to vent;