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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/02/evc-strengths.htm

        This is one of 150+ Web articles exploring factors that promote relationship and family health and satisfactions. This brief introduction describes the site's purpose, author, and the best ways to use this information. Each article is part of a mosaic of related ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.

       This article is one of a series describing effective thinking, communicating, and problem-solving. The series summarizes seven learnable communication (relationship) skills  that are essential for building high-nurturance relationships and resolving social conflicts effectively.

        The unique guidebook Satisfactions (Xlibris.com, 2001) integrates the key Project-1 and Project-2 Web articles and resources in this nonprofit Web site, and provides many practical resources.       

        These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. Clicking a link below will open an informational popup or full new browser window, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or accept popups from this non-profit site - no cookies or ads!

        Before continuing, stop and reflect - why are you reading this - what do you need?

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        Anything one person does that significantly affects another person is "communication." Communicating is the main skill infants, kids, and adults (and other life-forms) rely on to fill daily social needs. Thinking is internal communication among the subselves that comprise our personality. Ignorance of effective thinking and communicating basics and skills is one of three main reasons for most marital, parental, and social problems. The others are unawareness and significant psychological wounds.

        Starting in infancy, we grow an array of personal traits and abilities that hinder or help us to communicate effectively (get our current needs met) in calm and stressful times. Those that help us are  strengths.

        This worksheet provides a place for you to inventory your or another person's communication strengths. Another worksheet can help you identify behaviors that block effective communication. In this divorce-prevention Web site, family Project 2 provides a framework for adults to learn seven skills to significantly raise their communication effectiveness. The unique, practical guidebook for this vital project is Satisfactions - 7 relationship skills you need to know. (Xlibris.com, 2002)

        Print and use this worksheet to clarify your awareness of…

• Two key definitions,

• How you rate as a communicator with one or more key people, and…

• Your existing communication strengths!

Before continuing, learn something about yourself. Try saying your present communication strengths out loud now, and then compare them with what you discover below.

        For "extra credit," honestly rate your general effectiveness as a communicator from one (I'm very ineffective) to ten (I'm consistent very effective) ___. We'll review this after you're done...

        Are you comfortable identifying your strengths (talents) in general? Many shame-based survivors of low-nurturance childhoods were mistakenly taught that affirming personal strengths and gifts is "prideful,"  "egotistical," and/or "arrogant" (i.e. "bad.") A healthier attitude is "affirming and growing my strengths and honestly acknowledging my limitations are part of maintaining my priceless identity and self-respect."

        Option - imagine yourself telling one or more childhood caregivers or mentors "I'm about to inventory my communication strengths," and their verbal and nonverbal responses, Reflect on what they mean...

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1)  I define "communication" as...

 

 

2) To me, "effective communication" means:

 

3)  Pick a child or adult communication partner. Then rate yourself generally as a communicator with that person. Option: rate yourself in calm times and in conflicts: I'd say I'm…

__ very ineffective  __ fairly ineffective   __ so-so   __ fairly effective   __ very effective

4)  Now guesstimate honestly: In my communicating with them, I think they would rate me as…

__ very ineffective  __ fairly ineffective   __ so-so   __ fairly effective   __ very effective

• Specifically - what would help me communicate more effectively with them?

 

5) Similarly, pick a special person, and rate them as a verbal communicator with you:

__ very ineffective  __ fairly ineffective   __ so-so   __ fairly effective   __ very effective

• Now guess how that person would rate himself or herself:

__ very ineffective  __ fairly ineffective   __ so-so   __ fairly effective   __ very effective

• Specifically, what would help them communicate more effectively with you?

 

 

6) Name one or more people that you consistently communicate very well with verbally:
 

• The key reasons that you we communicate/d well are/were…
   

7) Several people I've consistently had trouble communicating verbally with are…
 

• The main reasons I've had trouble with them are:

 

 

8)  Check your usual communication strengths with a special communication partner, or in general:

__ I make enough time to communicate __ I express myself clearly __ I negotiate effectively with adults and kids __ I can summarize well __ I’m well organized when needed __ I use appropriate physical touching __ I’m generally aware and attentive __ I’m honest and genuine __ I handle most conflicts effectively __ I criticize constructively __ I’m OK _ hearing and _ saying "no" __ I discuss problems promptly and honestly __ I seldom interrupt __ I’m direct and clear __ I self-disclose and use humor appropriately __ I listen empathically in key situations __ I’m self- aware

__ I initiate needed talks promptly __ I use humor well __ I hang in there, vs. run away __ I make good eye contact __ I have a large, growing vocabulary __ I’m usually in the present (vs. past or future) __ I handle silences well enough __ I’m usually empathic and sensitive __ My words, face, and body match __ I stay focused on the topic until we're done __ I confront other people respectfully __ I question well __ I’m usually tactful __ I’m usually patient __ I’m assertive, vs. aggressive or submissive __ I'm usually open to feedback __

 9)  In public and private, I can comfortably express... (take your time with each of these!)

 

__ Joy! __ Encouragement __ Thanks __ Apology __ Love __ Boredom __ Worry / anxiety

__ Anger __ Fear __ Confusion __ Shame __ Disagreement __ Hopes / dreams __ Opinions

__ Forgiveness  __ Frustration   __ Neediness __ Pain __ Affection __ Tears __

__ Vulnerability __ Desire __ Praise __ Sadness __ Weariness __ Humor __

• Other specific communication skills and abilities I want to develop over time are…

 

• What, if anything, is preventing me?

 

 Awarenesses...

 

 

 

        Pause and reflect - what did you learn? How did it feel to affirm your communication strengths?  Now rate your general effectiveness as a communicator again from one (I'm very ineffective) to ten (I'm consistent very effective) ___.  Did anything change?

        Recall why you did this inventory - did you get what you needed? If not - what do you need?

Next: browse the Project 2 links, or review these common communication blocks, tips, and helpful phrases, or study these questions and answers, or take the communication quiz, and/or read these options for improving communication effectiveness with mates and/or ex mates, or follow a link below..

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Updated October 01, 2008