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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/05/links05.htm

Family Project 5: adults...

• learn good-grief basics,

• check themselves and each minor and/or adult child honestly for incomplete or blocked grief,

• help each other progress and/or free up any that you find, and...

• forge and live by personal and family policies (values and rules) that steadily encourage healthy grief.

        Why? Because starting in infancy, all healthy adults and kids form bonds (attachments) to selected living and inanimate things, ideas, dreams, freedoms, abilities, places, and rituals. Through choice or chance, these bonds break, causing minor to major losses.

         The natural three-level process for accepting and adapting to significant losses is grieving. It can be delayed or blocked if "losers" don't have enough of these requisites. Incomplete grief promotes serious personal health and relationship problems. Once identified, incomplete grief can be facilitated if the person's true Self  leads their personality and they acquire six other requisites.

        Adults and kids in typical troubled-biofamilies, divorcing families, and stepfamilies are at special risk of incomplete grief. Most adults - including many human-service professionals - don't know this, what it means, or what to do about it.

Options

• Decide who usually runs your life - your true Self or other subselves. If the latter, you and any kids may be unfinished or blocked in grieving major losses. See Project 1 for options to free your Self (capital "S") to harmonize and lead your other subselves.

• See how much you know about grieving - take this quiz; then...

• Review the slide presentation on good-grief basics at http://sfhelp.org/05/slides05.htm, and invite other family members and supporters to do the same. Then patiently discuss, tailor, and apply your learnings together.

• Review these good-grief questions and answers, and then study, discuss, and apply the articles linked below.

• If you're in a divorcing family or stepfamily, invest in the guidebook for Projects 1-7 - Stepfamily Courtship. (Xlibris.com, 2001). It is for courting and re/wedded co-parents and supporters, and integrates the key Web articles and worksheets for these seven Projects. Two chapters in the book integrate most of the articles below. Much of the book is for any courting couple.

• Review these other slide presentations with an open mind, and study any that are relevant to your current personal and family situation. Start here. If you have trouble viewing the slides, see this.

Index to Project-5 Articles

Article # and title:

5-1) Project 5 Overview

5-2)  What Is good (healthy) grief?  Seven factors that promote it

5-3)  The three levels of healthy grief, and the phases of each level

5-4) Getting inner and outer permissions to grieve well

5-5)  Symptoms of blocked mourning

5-6)  Six steps toward healthy grief

5-7)  Worksheet: Grief values-clarification

5-8)  Worksheet: a tangible-loss inventory

5-9)  Worksheet: an intangible-loss inventory

Review  - Perspective on personal and family anger polices

5-10)  A sample healthy family grieving policy

5-11)  Options for freeing blocked grief in yourself and others (4 pages)

Research Summary: "Beyond Depression: When Grief Doesn't Go Away"

Research Summary "Name that Feeling: You'll feel Better" by Julie Steenhuysen, Reuters

Review these Questions you should ask (and answers) about "good grief"

Review: perspective on special grief supports (part of Project 11)

Review:  Is your mate's (or someone else's) "depression" blocked grief?

• Books on grieving

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Updated June 24, 2008