Project 7 of 12 for long-term marital and co-parenting success
INDEX to  PROJECT-7 ARTICLES Courting partners make  three wise commitment choices

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        This is one of over 150 articles focused on building high-nurturance family relationships and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.

        These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents in an intact biofamily, or any of the three or more stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily. 

        Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need?

What is Divorce-prevention Project 7?

        After making significant progress on Projects 1-6 over many months, each courting co-parent answer six questions honestly in order to avoid probable divorce by choosing the right people to commit to, for the right reasons, at the right time.

       Why? Because recently, it's estimated that over half of typical U.S. couples divorce legally or psychologically. The divorce rate for typical stepfamily couples is thought to be even higher. These estimates imply that one or both mates made up to three unwise commitment choices.

        None of these mates expected to divorce - specially those who had done so before. Their parents and our wounded, unaware culture didn't warn them of the hazards they faced - specially stepfamily couples and their dependents.

Options

• Learn about the pervasive, toxic [wounds + ignorance] cycle that hinders wise courtship choices;

• Study this slide presentation on making wise commitment decisions. If you have trouble viewing the slides, see this or read this equivalent text article.

• Review this slide presentation on divorce and divorce-recovery.

• Invest in the unique guidebook for divorce-prevention Projects 1-7, Stepfamily Courtship. Five of the Projects apply to all courting and committed couples. This practical volume integrates the key Web pages and worksheets for each of these Projects. This reference book is followed by the guidebook for Projects 8-12, Build a High-nurturance Stepfamily.

• Teach other people about one or more of the seven divorce-prevention projects by tailoring this free, modular marriage-preparation course.

• Print, read, and discuss the pages below with key family members and supporters, and/or refer them to this non-profit Web site (sfhelp.org/07/project07.htm).
   

  One set of Project-7 articles and worksheets is for stepfamily couples. The other set is for childless couples.

All Couples

Review

• Each of these Foundation articles

• Is either of us a relationship addict ("codependent")? 2 pages

• Typical needs partners seek to fill with a primary relationship

• Perspective on the US divorce epidemic

• Options for preventing divorce

Stepfamily Couples

Review  the above, and...

• Common benefits of living in a stepfamily

• this slide presentation* on stepfamily basics, or this text article

• A profile of adults and kids before re/marriage

• Quiz: what co-parents and supporters need to know about stepfamilies

• Surface and primary problems that cause most stepfamily discomfort and conflict. 

• the 16 things new stepfamily members must merge over many years

• Keys for forging and keeping a healthy re/marriage (2 pages)

• ex-mate and stepparent-stepchild relationship basics

• typical family adjustment needs of average stepkids

• this slide presentation* on effective stepparenting

• these questions stepfamily adults should research about key topics

* If you have trouble viewing the slides, see these options.

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Project-7 Articles and Worksheets for Couples with Prior Kids

Item # and title:

  7-1)  Project 7 Overview - make three wise courtship-commitment choices

Review -  Evolve a strategy to resolve three unavoidable family stressors

Worksheets for Courting Co-parents

7-3)  Our primary-relationship's strengths and growth areas

7-4) 16 courtship danger signs (see 7-17 also)

7-5)  Am I committing to the right partner?

7-6)  Am I committing to the right co-parents?

7-7)  Am I committing to the right stepkids? - page 1 > page 2

7-8)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - a) partner factors - page 1 > page 2

7-9)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - b) courting-couple factors

7-10)  Is this the right time to re/marry? - c) stepchild factors

7-11)  Are we re/marrying for the right reasons?

7-12)  Summary Worksheet: three wise courtship choices

7-13)  Symptoms of incomplete recovery from prior divorce

Your Stepfamily Strengths

7-14)  Strength-inventory introduction

7-15)  Our individual co-parent's strengths

7-16)  Our co-parent couples' strengths

7-17)  Our co-parents' general caregiving strengths, part 1 > part 2

7-18)  Our co-parents' stepchild-nurturing strengths, part 1 > part 2

7-19)  The strengths in and between our co-parenting homes

7-20)  Our extended stepfamily's general strengths

7-21)  Our extended stepfamily's stepfamily strengths, part 1 > part 2 (and "scoring")

Resources

Ideas on planning a successful stepfamily wedding

Articles on identifying and resolving common primary-relationship problems in a stepfamily context;

Questions co-parents should ask about stepfamily courtship and re/marriage (and other aspects of stepfamily life);

Computer-assisted pre-remarriage evaluation programs: Prepare/Enrich, REFOCCUS, and Relate. These are useful, though they're less detailed than the worksheets above, and don't evaluate  some key factors like these. 

The articles and resources in co-parent Project 8 focus on growing a high-nurturance primary relationship despite the many distractions in typical stepfamily mergers and American life.

Helpful books about stepfamily relationships, including remarriage. While helpful, none of these are written specifically for courting co-parents. See these suggestions about choosing practical stepfamily books.

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Project-7 Articles and Worksheets for Childless Couples

  7-1)  Project 7 Overview

Worksheets

7-2)  Our primary-relationship's strengths and growth areas (2 pages)

7-3)  12 courtship danger signs

7-4)  Am I committing to the right partner?

7-5)  Is this the right time to commit? (2 pages)

7-6)  Are we committing for the right reasons?

7-7)  Summary Worksheet: three wise courtship choices

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Updated June 24, 2008