Projects 7 & 10  of 12 - Build high-nurturance stepfamily relationships

Inventory: Our Stepfamily's Strengths

C) Our Co-parents' General Strengths
 as Childcare Givers (part 1 of 2)

By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW
Retired Board member
Stepfamily Association of America   

Co-parent (initials)

Me

You

1) S/He can now describe eight or more key traits of a high-nurturance family, or s/he is actively learning about them now because s/he wants to (vs. has to); 

2) S/He can clearly describe what an effective parent is, and steadily strives to be one, without obsessing; 

3) S/He usually enjoys being with and nurturing children, including teens; 

4) S/He's usually responsible (accountable) for her/ his parenting decisions and actions (vs. defensive); 

5) S/He _ can describe most typical child-developmental needs, and _ knows how to evaluate a child's status with each of them; 

6) S/He's flexibly consistent (vs. wishy-washy or over- rigid) in key care-giving values, goals, and behaviors; 

7) S/He can now clearly describe _ the several purposes of child discipline, and _ the key traits of effective child discipline; and _ s/he usually practices most of them with our kids; 

8) S/He's decisive enough - i.e. is firm and assertive when needed, without undue anxiety, guilt, or shame; 

9) S/He's sexually healthy, knowledgeable, sensitive, and responsible around minor kids; 

10) S/He's consistently trustworthy: - i.e. s/he is direct and honest with our kids and other adults, and does what s/he says; 

11) S/He's often unconditionally loving of  herself/ himself, all biochildren, and close others; 

12) S/He's usually open to respectful feedback and suggestions about care-giving, without great defensiveness; 

13) S/He's sensitive enough - i.e. s/he is usually aware and accepting of our kids' and her/his own _ dignity, _ feelings, and _ needs; 

14) S/He's usually genuine and real (vs. phony); 

15) S/He's self-respectful and self-caring enough; (vs. codependent or self- neglectful) 

16) S/He can be courageous - i.e. s/he is usually open to taking safe-enough risks and adventures with our kids; 

17) S/He is usually kind and friendly enough;   

18) S/He's fun, playful, and spontaneous enough;  

19) S/He's creative, imaginative, and resourceful, with our kids; 

20) S/He's patient and resilient - with appropriate limits; 

21) S/He's _ knowledgeable and wise enough about relationships and the world, and _ encourages our kids to learn about them; 

22) S/He can be genuinely nurturing, tender, and gentle with our kids; 

23) S/He _ highly values, and _ regularly gives time and energy to, the spiritual health and growth of _ herself / himself and _ each of our children;