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Projects
- evolve a high-nurturance stepfamily together |
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Inventory: Our Stepfamily's Strengths
All Our Genetic and Legal
Relatives'
Stepfamily Strengths (concluded)
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
Member
NSRC Experts Council
|
 The Web address of this
page is
http://sfhelp.org/07/strnx9-all3+score.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup,
so please turn off your
browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
This last
inventory Web
page...
-
completes the focus on the
special stepfamily strengths of your multi-generational kin
group, and...
-
outlines "scoring" the whole multi-part inventory.
If you haven't
recently reviewed the inventory
do so now before finishing. Numbering here continues from the
prior page.
+++
Yes |
? |
Not
Yet |
3B) Three-generational Stepfamily Strengths (concluded) |
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18) All our "original" (pre-re/wedding) minor and
grown kids have a reasonably clear, accurate understanding of why their parents divorced,
or why their parent/s died; or
their bioparents are clearly self- motivated to help them learn about this
now without excessive guilt, shame, defensiveness, or anxiety; |
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19) All our members can _ accurately describe a
stepfamily
can
_ identify them
as they happen, and _ clearly
know what to do about them; |
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20) All our adults can _ describe why healthy mourning in all
members is essential for our whole stepfamily's health; can
_describe the
and various
phases of normal grief, and _ at least six of the behavioral
of
incomplete grief; and _ they are motivated to help
free up any of our kids or adults who seem to be blocked in grieving major
- specially from prior divorce, death,
geographic relocations, and co-parental re/marriage and household
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21) All our adult and younger members are consistently
clear enough on their step-family
(e.g. step-grandmother /
stepcousin / half-brother / ex mother-in-law ...) |
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22)
We're cooperatively evolving a set of stepfamily
(holidays, vacations, special celebrations) that are satisfying enough to us all. |
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23) We're clearly developing a
three-generational multi-home stepfamily
and
group pride that is pleasing and nurturing to all our adults and kids. |
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24)
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25)
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_ I am
my
filled out this inventory, and
I...
_ feel I took
enough undistracted time in answering these questions honestly, and...
_ I now feel
reassured that my home and stepfamily are healthy enough, or ...
_ I'm clear enough
on what I or we need to do about _____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________.
_ I look forward to sharing my answers
and thoughts with my mate and other stepfamily members
soon.
Awarenesses
~
"Scoring"
If you stayed focused and
thoughtfully filled out all three multi-part sections of this long
inventory, I suspect you're highly committed to building a
partnership and stepfamily. Count that as
a personal and family strength!
What can you do with your results? Before
reviewing at some options, recall
that the purpose of this inventory is to provide a
structured place for your family members to identify and celebrate your
shared human strengths together. In typical stepfamilies, this is a vital counterbalance to the many complex, concurrent
stressors that you all will encounter.
Other benefits to
your family members' filling out and discussing this strengths inventory comes from raising your
awarenesses of ...
your true
as a normal multi-home
stepfamily, and a clearer
idea of
in your stepfamily now;
how many factors affect your stepfamily's
nurturance-level and growth;
the specific extra strengths that stepfamily co-parents need to
develop (vs. intact-biofamily co-parents) for long-term success, and ...
what specific
need steady time and attention from your co-parents to increase
your stepfamily's long-term
functioning, and well-being,
and break the toxic [wounds + unawareness]
The real value of
this inventory is what you learned and felt as you filled it out and discussed
it. There
is no research-based scoring guide. The more inventory items you honestly check as
"true enough," the more likely that you'll be among the millions
of U.S. stepfamilies
that succeed long-term. Note that few or
no families could truly check every item! Summarize your results here:
Inventory Section |
Total items* |
# Items checked |
| 1A) Our co-parents' strengths as individuals:
|
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| 1B) Our co-parents' strengths as couples:
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| 1C) Our co-parents' general child-guidance
strengths: |
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| 1D) Our co-parents' stepchild
nurturing strengths: |
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| 2) Strengths in and between our two
or three co- parenting homes: |
|
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| 3A) General strengths in our whole
multi-generational stepfamily |
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| 3B) Special multi-generational stepfamily
strengths: |
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Totals |
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* Total inventory items that apply to your unique
multi-home stepfamily
Roughly - if you can firmly say
yes
to half or more of all the applicable items, keep building your multi-home stepfamily
with alert confidence and satisfaction. Otherwise, at least get more
education, and perhaps get informed
(i.e. stepfamily-aware)
Either way,
regularly discuss and affirm your many strengths along the way!
Pause and reflect: what are you aware of now that you weren't aware of
before you began this inventory? What - specifically - do you want to
remember and/or act on from this experience? How would you describe what
your busy
of subselves is
now?
Options
Starring or hilighting the items
that evoke your strongest
feelings, and exploring non- defensively why they do;
Inviting older kids, willing ex mates, and key relatives to
fill out and discuss copies of this inventory, and invite cooperative
discussion;
Keep a copy
of these pages. Then re-do the inventory periodically (e.g.
at anniversaries), and compare with the prior results to affirm and celebrate
your progress together. Watch your strengths grow as you progress
on your version of these stepfamily-building
Show your family
and
inventory to clergy, counselors, lawyers, and others you ask to aid you in building
your re/marriage and stepfamily along the way. Better: invite
them to learn from with this nonprofit site (http://sfhelp.org) and these related
guidebooks;
Use the ideas above
(a) to start building a
working definition of "what's a high-nurturance stepfamily?"
and (b) as a foundation for designing a
to guide your unique stepfamily.
Deciding clearly what you all are trying to
together long-range greatly raises your odds of
ongoing success and satisfaction!
Finally, continue studying and discussing the
Q&A and Solutions
articles that pertain to your unique situation. Use them and other
informed
materials as guides for all your
stepfamily adults. You're all in this together! Your minor born and unborn
kids depend on all your adults wanting to learn and master
the special challenges in building a high-nurturance stepfamily
over time. How well you all do
that will profoundly affect their future success, health, and happiness - and your own.
Help each other
stay aware that this is a long-term
effort - with unexpected
benefits as
you work
together. Keep your knees bent, work at staying balanced
most days, pause periodically for rest and inspirations,
and enjoy your
challenging stepfamily journey together -
i.e. help your adults and kids to work patiently at ongoing
+ + +
Pause, breathe, and reflect: why did you do this inventory? Did you get what
you
If so, what do you need to do now? If not,
do you need? Who's
these questions - your wise
or
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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