Project 8 of 12 for high-nurturance families and relationships
	Worksheet: Special-relationship Traits Identify and Discuss Some Key Realities By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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        This is one of over 150 articles focused on building high-nurturance family relationships and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help.        

        Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need?

  Learn About a Special Relationship...

        Use these sentence "stubs" to help you clarify the current nature of a special relationship you have.

 Suggestions...

• Print this worksheet.

• Find an undistracted place and time, and get comfortable.

• Choose an attitude of curiosity, and put other concerns aside for now;

• Assess whether your true Self is leading your personality subselves. If not, who is - and why?

• Trust your first responses to each question, and try not to edit. If you have an urge to edit - what does that mean?

• Have extra paper, in case you want to write more than there's room for - or if you want to journal about the thoughts, images, and feelings that come as you fill this out. If you have a tape recorder, consider using that for "verbal journaling."

• Pick a relationship you want to know better - your lover, spouse, or another special adult or child, present or absent. Options: include yourself as a possible focus person, and your Higher Power, or an unborn child. 

        You also can focus on one of your personality subselves - e.g. your Inner Critic,   Perfectionist, Abandoned Child, or another. A variation of this exercise is to write a free-thought dialog with the other person, like the script in a play.

• Remind yourself of your right to disclose and discuss your results or not;

• Skip items that don't apply, or re-word them so they do. Add others that occur to you.

+ + +

As I begin this exploration, I'm aware that...

 

 

1) Things I prize a lot about us are...

 

 

2) When I have a conflict with you, I...

 

 

3) We communicate best when...

 

 

4) I feel our relationship would really improve if...

 

 

 

5) What I can often take for granted about you is...

 

 

 

6) What I wish you accepted about me is...

 

 

 

7) It really frustrates me when you...

 

 

 

8) I feel closest to you when...

 

 

 

9) When we talk about our relationship...

 

 

 

10) What I admire about you is...

 

 

 

11) When we disagree, what I need most is...

 

 

 

12) The kids feel best when we...

 

 

 

13) The part of our relationship I worry the most about is...

 

 

 

14) Compared to when we first met, we...

 

 

 

15) About our relationship it's hard for me to accept that...

 

 

 

16) What I need most from you is...

 

 

 

17) I specially appreciate you when...

 

 

 

18) I get really hurt, and then angry with you when...

 

 

 

19) It's fun when we...

 

 

 

20) I hope we...

 

 

 

21) I have a hard time talking honestly with you about...

 

 

because...

 

 

22) Something I really regret is...

 

 

 

23)  What I want to know better about you is... 

 

 

 

24)  What I've learned here is... 

 

 

 

25) Something I want to do now is...

 

 

  Notes / Thoughts …

         Pause, breathe, and recall why you used this worksheet. Did you get what you needed? If so, what do you need now? If not - what do you need? Is there anyone you want to discuss these ideas with? Who's answering these questions - your wise resident true Self, or "someone else"?

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Updated  June 24, 2008