Project 9 of 12 toward high-nurturance families and relationships
	INDEX - Project 9 Articles Adults merge three or more biofamilies, and solve many conflicts

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The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/09/links09.htm

Clicking links below will open an informational pop-up or a full window, so please turn off your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit site.                  This is one of over 150 articles focused on building high-nurturance family relationships and preventing divorce. This introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you read, the more sense they'll all make.         These articles augment, vs. replace, other qualified professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both bioparents, or any of the three or more related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear stepfamily.          Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this - what do you need?

  Project 9: After re/wedding...

• merge   three or more co-parents' biofamilies over four or more years;

• clarify your key priorities;

• resolve many values and asset conflicts with Project 2 communication skills; and

• stabilize your dynamic new multi-home stepfamily. As you do,

• intentionally nourish your re/marriage (Project 8),

• reduce co-parenting-teamwork barriers,   (Project 10), and...

• build and use an effective support system (Project 11), while...

• you help each other (a) stay balanced and (b) enjoy your whole dynamic process a day at a time! (Project 12).

The practical guidebook which integrates the key Web articles for co-parent Projects 8-12 is Build a High-nurturance Stepfamily (one of six  guidebooks related to this nonprofit site).

Why Project 9? Because new mates (vs. "everyone") want to live together and have their families "get along." This multi-level merger guarantees a stream of complex inner-personal and interpersonal conflicts over inclusion, values and priorities, roles, rules, rituals, assets, and goals.

        Co-parents' main options are to (a) passively let their merger happen a day at a time, (b) proactively evolve a long-range plan and patiently co-manage it together, or (c) something in between.

Web-page # and title:

  9-1)  Project 9 overview

Review: Worksheet - Our recent priorities

9-2) Perspective on cohabiting ("moving in together")

9-3) 16 groups of physical and invisible things new stepfamilies must merge

9-4)  three development paths typical stepfamilies may follow - (two pages)

9-5)  Key implications of the extra development steps stepfamilies face vs. those in intact biofamilies.

Review: an introduction to relationship values conflicts, impasses, and cutoffs

9-6)  An introduction to stepfamily loyalty conflicts

Review: 20 premises about solving relationship "problems" (conflicts)

9-7)  What loyalty conflicts are like for typical kids

9-8)  Nine ways to prepare for resolving your loyalty conflicts

9-9)  Resolve stepfamily loyalty conflicts effectively

9-10)  Worksheet: How we handle loyalty conflicts now

Review:  Worksheet: How we handle values conflicts now

Review:  Communication skill #7: win-win problem solving

Review:  What win-win compromising sounds like

Review:  worksheet: a communication checklist

Review: Typical communication blocks, tips, and phrases

9-11)  What relationship "triangles" are, and why they're a problem

9-12)  What to do about relationship triangles

Review: Options for planning major family changes (2 pages)

9-13)  Ideas on managing the pace of your merger changes

9-14)  Introduction - Use structural maps to understand and guide your stepfamily

9-15)  Baselines: sample structural maps of high-nurturance, intact biofamilies

9-16)  Sample structural maps - high and low-nurturance stepfamilies; how to draw your maps (two pages)

9-17)  Using your structural maps - typical discussion questions

Resource: Questions that co-parents should ask (and answers) about managing a stepfamily

Resources: helpful Web sites, games, books, periodicals for co-parents and supporters 

Applications

        See these Solutions articles for ways to use the above ideas to resolve common stepfamily merger and co-parental team-building problems.
 

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Updated June 25, 2008