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Project
of
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help each other evolve and use a support
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Options on
Support Group Meeting Formats,
Sites, Frequencies, Funding, and Sponsors
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
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 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/11/sg-plan3.htm
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This is one of over 150 articles focused on building
family relationships and
preventing divorce. This
introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use
its resources. Each article is part of a
mosaic of ideas, so the
more you read, the more sense they'll all make.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce
notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both
bioparents, or any of the
related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear
stepfamily.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
This is the fourth in a series of
Web
articles about building an effective support group for stepfamily co-parents.
Option: download a free article
integrating this series.
 Organization Topics: Perspectives (continued)
What should our meeting agenda be?
Your
co-parents' support group can be on a continuum between
totally structured to completely
unstructured.
My experience is that moderately structured often works best. That means have a
loose, standard format, like...
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An opening,
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A "working" (learning, venting, and/or
problem-solving) segment,
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A short refreshment break,
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Some socializing / administrative time, and ...
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A closing.
The opening
is an important
which builds group identity
and "gets everyone in the mood." Options:
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Welcome and introduce any new and/or resource people present;
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Someone read the group’s brief mission (and maybe policy) statements;
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Each person give a
brief
statement of what they're feeling right now if they wish to;
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Some groups may want a
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Review this meeting’s agenda; and...
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Ask "Who needs air time?"
"Working
time" is where
everyone attends their
to vent, exchange affirmation, clarify,
learn, problem-solve, and
Again, you have several options:
Invite each member to "check in" or "pass": introduce
themselves, if new people are present, and describe briefly (~ 5" each) how they are,
and any important stepfamily or re/marital events, problems, and successes. This may be
the place to learn if they need air time;
Have a guest speaker focus on some topic relevant to most (or ideally all)
people present, followed by discussion;
Have "air time," where a few members speak at length about
their current stepfamily situation, and get feedback if desired;
Do focused problem-solving for member/s who asks for it, and/or ...
If you’re doing a self-led stepfamily
class together, do one of the session modules.
Take a break, get refreshed, and regroup. Then...
Attend any administrative business (funding, advertising, recruiting,
planning, etc.),
Relax and socialize, or …
Complete any unfinished matters from the "working time."
Close the meeting: perhaps
with a (physical) friendship
circle, a prayer, a summary of what you’ve just done together (specially positive
options and solutions that emerged), and/or an expression of thanks and encouragement to
troubled members and to all.
You may choose to ask each person to say what
they're aware of, as you end. However you design it,
your closing segment is a
powerful way of forging group identity, loyalty, community, and continuity. Some
12-step and other groups close with "Keep coming back - it (our group)
works!"
The
"looseness" of such a meeting format comes from your ability to mold each
segment to fit your collective circumstances at the time. Sometimes you’ll have a
speaker, other times not. Sometimes you’ll have a lot of administration stuff, other
times little or none.
Sometimes many people will need air time, other times everyone will
be in a pretty good space and will just enjoy socializing.
The one constant at every
meeting is your members' set of common needs to vent / validate / learn / problem-solve /
belong, and socialize, / help, and / build optimism and hope.
My experience is
that co-parent support groups who’s meeting agendas are consistently free-form (i.e.
the meeting agenda is no agenda) don’t last long. Similarly, groups that are
run with an over-rigid schedule and format are a turn-off for all but people with high
needs for structure . So you’re looking for a dynamic balance of these that
usually works for enough of your members …
An important
administrative task is for the group leader/s to periodically poll all members on their
comfort level with the average meeting format, and to adjust the format if enough people
want to. You’ll evolve your own best-fit routine, over time.
Where
will we meet?
Options:
(a) member’s homes, or (b) somewhere else. Your group's basic needs are a nearby
bathroom, moveable, comfortable chairs (ideally), "enough" elbow room and quiet,
a sink and counter space, an accessible public phone, perhaps a refrigerator, and places
for parking and hanging up any heavy-weather clothes.
Many
co-parent support groups I’ve been in have rotated the hosting responsibilities among
the members. This was partly because no one could find a suitable "outside"
site. The advantages to this approach are economy (free), simplicity (no
outside people to negotiate with), and all sharing the site-prep and refreshment
responsibilities. The disadvantages are (a) group size may be limited to fit the smallest
home/s, and (b) often, phones, kids, and pets can be distracting.
Possible non-home
sites can include meeting rooms at a local church, school, civic building (library,
park district, city hall, ...), hospital, business, or a public or private mental health
agency. One Chicago group found a comfortable (free) home in a local realty office’s
conference room. Again, where choice exists, you may lower chances of limiting group
attendance by avoiding church and mental-health sites, and people’s (unfortunate)
related biases. Conversely, some people would be attracted because you were
in a
church...
Meet when,
how often, and how long?
These choices will
evolve from your group’s unique personality.
The norm I’ve seen is to meet
once or twice a month, on a week night or early Sunday evening, for two to two and a half
hours. For eight or more people, meeting for less than that often doesn’t allow
enough air and administrative time. That breeds frustration and dropouts.
Do we need to raise funds? For what? When?
How?
How will you pay
for postage, advertising, printing, space, refreshments, speakers, educational kits, and
supplies? Many groups use a combination of passing the hat at each meeting, fund-raisers,
and soliciting community or participant donations (of supplies, copying service, or space,
vs. money).
Fund raisers can take many forms: car washes, bake and garage sales, wine
tasting or meet-the-cast parties, artist benefit performances, mail solicitations,
raffles, etc. These can be fun group-building events as well as work. They provide good
community advertising, too.
My experience
suggests that unless your group gets "big,"
the idea of fixed dues and
formal memberships is generally a turnoff. Dues take time to
account for, can imply exclusivity or formality, and will take periodic
group time in discussion and haggling. Their advantage, of course, is that
they provide regular and (fairly) predictable income, enabling more or
"wider" activities. Who in your group will handle the money- management
responsibilities?
Do we
want a local business sponsor or affiliate organization?
If so, who?
Costs and Benefits?
A well-known
community organization's endorsement of your co-parental support group can lend it instant
credibility. Mental health agencies, hospitals, clinics, or churches, however, carry a
mix of associations for prospective attendees. If any such sponsor already has a good
community reputation for unbiased and positive family-life education programs, fine.
Otherwise, if you advertise such sponsorship prominently you may get credibility - and
limit the scope of the people who'll try out the group because of biases about or against
such organizations.
 Continue
with perspectives on support-group names and logos, resources libraries,
resource people, and a newsletter.
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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