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|
Project
of
-
help each other evolve and use a support
network |
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Options:
Support Group Name,
Resource
Library,
Newsletter,
and Backup Professionals
by Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
|
 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/11/sg-plan4.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your browser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This is one of over 150 articles focused on building
family relationships and
preventing divorce. This
introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to use
its resources. Each article is part of a
mosaic of ideas, so the
more you read, the more sense they'll all make.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce
notes that it may be a stepparent's first union. "Co-parents" means both
bioparents, or any of the
related stepparents and bioparents co-managing a multi-home nuclear
stepfamily.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
This is the fifth in a series of Project-11 Web
articles focusing on
building an effective support group for stepfamily bioparents and stepparents.
Option: download a free booklet that
contains all of these support-group pages.
 Organization Topics: Perspectives
(continued)
 Should we compile a resource library? Of what?
How?
I feel
that one of the
stepfamily couples
re/divorce is
typical co-parents often don’t know what they
don’t know about stepfamily norms, co-parental tasks, special stepchild needs, and
effective solutions. One solution to this is to interest them in, and provide, informed
stepfamily education. Your support group is a perfect place to do
this!
Collect printed and media stepfamily information
that members contribute, or you buy with group funds. Make it available for loan or
purchase at your meetings, and build motivation for members to use it.
Develop
and maintain a stepfamily bibliography and resource list, and pass it out
to members and community libraries, hospitals, mental health centers,
churches, and school counseling departments. See if one of your members will
be your group's "resource director" (!), and coordinate this key project...
| Option:
as you do this, use these guidelines for (a) selecting useful
stepfamily books, and (b) avoid-ing
inaccurate, impractical, and toxic
resources. |
Some good stepfamily information sources:
This download
menu of booklets on key stepfamily topics. You're welcome to reprint*
these materials and sell them, with suitable credits, as a source of operating
funds.
The key articles in this non-profit Web site are available as a
series of guidebooks;
This selected booklist;
The new nonprofit
National Stepfamily Resource
Center (NSRC)
Searchable online bookstores like
Amazon.com,
and...
Other online stepfamily
support centers
Should
we have a group newsletter?
For just our members, or others, too? Who?
Containing what?
A support
group newsletter is hard work - and an effective way of welcoming new
members;
advertising your support group's presence, agendas, events, and any donors' or sponsors'
services; distributing useful stepfamily facts or articles; and promoting a feeling of
"group-ness" and continuity. Many of the stepfamily Internet
sites offer newsletters, and there are at least three national stepfamily newsletters now
(3/99). Browse and see what appeals
to you (format, content, length, tone, layout, etc.) - and what doesn't.
Do we need
professional backup
and/or
other resource people?
Why? Who?
Besides your
participants, there are three kinds of resource people that can add a lot to the
quality and effectiveness of your support group: knowledgeable
speakers, qualified
clinicians,
and support-group and public-relations
consultants. Before selecting
any, read and discuss
this.
"Knowledgeable speakers"
are any local people who have stepfamily-relevant knowledge, and the time and heart to
share it. At the head of the list of experts are your older stepkids! Close behind
are your co- grandparents and other stepfamily relatives. Other options
include family-law lawyers or judges, professional (post- divorce) mediators, specialized
teachers and therapists (including clergy), and consultants in child development,
relationships, parenting, verbal communications, and family finances.
"Qualified
clinicians" can be psychiatrists (M.D.s), clinical (vs. research)
psychologists, clinical and psychiatric social workers, or marriage-and-family and
pastoral counselors. "Qualified" here means they have - in addition to
therapy fundamentals and experience - some special interest and training in, and
experience with, many of these:
-
The specific traits of
high-nurturance ("functional") families;
-
Divorce dynamics and mediation skills;
-
Typical stepfamily
basics, differences,
norms, stressors, and
solutions;
-
Co-parenting dynamics,
uniquenesses,
and typical projects;
-
Prioritizing and filling typical stepkids’
30+ special adjustment needs;
-
Typical stepfamily
re/marriage dynamics and
-
Promoting
-
Diagnosing and managing substance, activity, and relationship
-
Teaching verbal
and...
-
Facilitating
adult
recovery
from low-nurturance childhood.
Why the latter?
In
my clinical experience since 1981, most (say 80+%) re/married adults come from
significantly low-emotional-nurturance childhoods. This often means
they're significantly
wounded
,
psychologically, and are used to being directed (ineptly) by a "false
self."
Further, I see most such
mysteriously picking
each other for partners - time after time. This inexorably generates compound personal,
re/marital, and co-parental relationship stressors, which usually justify some
qualified
professional help along the stepfamily way.
Therefore, it’s a great asset to any
co-parent support group to build and use a referral list of qualified
local
mental-health professionals and local support organizations (like
Rainbows, Tough Love, and
Mothers Without Custody) for steppeople in
Such
resource people often make excellent guest speakers, too. See the page on
picking a
for suggestions on specific
evaluation questions to ask a prospective back-up person.
Don’t hesitate to ask
qualified clinical
people to help your group! Many mental-health professionals are interested in the
chance to help (and learn!), and possible rich sources of client or patient
referrals. Some professionals are stepfamily co-parents too!
The third type of helpful support-group
resource persons are consultants who have special experience and/or
training in establishing and maintaining a flourishing non-therapy
support group. Such people may be lay or professional, and local or distant.
Local public and private
mental-health agencies, hospitals, and larger churches usually sponsor a range of public
support groups. They may have a group liaison person or coordinator who would advise for
free, and/or point you at other local resource people.
Should
we have a group name? A logo?
Like various
athletic teams, some support-group members feel more group pride and loyalty if
they’ve co-operatively forged a name, logo, or even have picked a symbolic or real
mascot. Whether these would help you depends totally on who you all are as a unique
group.
The adjective "step" offers possibilities for fun, nutty, or inspiring
titles ("The Tuscaloosa High-Steppers", "Seattle Step Stars",...). Enjoy
kicking this around at a group meeting, from time to time. Your step and inner
kids are rich sources of ideas and energy here!
 Continue
this co-parent support-group series with specific ideas to keep your group thriving!
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Updated
August 25, 2008
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