How would you define "an
attitude" to an average eight-year old? How would you explain where
attitudes
come from, and why they're important? This article offers a way to
discover your key attitudes about yourself and other family adults
and any kids. The attitudes below can significantly affect your per-sonal tranquility and the
quality of your relationships and family.
This inventory assumes you're familiar with these concepts:
Why This Inventory Exists
Your tireless
(personality subself) gives you attitudes or judgments: good-bad, right-wrong, acceptable-unacceptable, safe-dangerous, trivial - vital.
These opinions color your perceptions, evoke emotions, and shape your decisions, behaviors,
relationships, and achievements.
Attitudes affect our
emotions, serenity, and physiology (heart rate, breathing, muscle tone,
hor-mones) moment by moment. Would you agree that
much of this "shaping" is unconscious (reflexive) or
semi-conscious? Do you feel that people can become more
of
their primary
attitudes? Change their attitudes? Can you think of a major attitude
you've changed, across your years?
My years studying clinical hypnosis validated psychiatrist
Milton Erickson's
claim that we all
re-flexively broadcast and decode tiny behavioral cues
about what we and others really think and feel right now. This means
that your (dominant subselves') attitudes about the
items below will "leak"
to other people in small facial and body reactions, voice dynamics, whether you want
to disclose them or not. Adults
and kids will decode your attitudes and react to them - often subconsciously.
Most attitudes about people...
1) convey compassion, appreciation,
human equality, and
respect, or convey...
2) personal or social
superiority or inferiority,
scorn, disapproval, and rejection; or convey...
3) neither of these - e.g. "girls tend to mature faster than
boys."
My experience is that typical
(GWCs) hold significant type-2 ("negative" or toxic) attitudes. These may be
ethnic, religious, age, occupational, and gender prejudices, which may
qualify as
Typical GWCs tend to be
unaware of their
attitudes and how they affect their relation-ships and families.
Grown
Nurtured Children (GNCs) and GWCs in true
are more apt to hold
type-1 ("posi-tive," nourishing) attitudes, and have more
harmonious relationships.
Do you agree?
Use this inventory to learn more about...
-
what
attitudes you're probably
broadcasting to people you live and work with without knowing it,
-
who
is broadcasting - your
(capital "S") or some distrustful
or
subselves; and
learn more about...
-
key
attitudes in other
family members and others which may promote relationship stresses. Then use your
to improve that, where appropriate.
Use this inventory to learn and discover, not
blame or judge!
Prepare...
Choose an undistracted time
and place, and reserve ~ 30" to reflect on these items and what they mean.
Choose an attitude of
nonjudgmental curiosity, rather than "I have to answer these 'right'."
Reflect and say out loud
why you began reading this inventory - what do you
?
If your first reaction is something like "I don't know," then breathe
well, close your eyes, and ask again: why am I reading this article? Trust your
first response without analyzing...
Option: print this and
hilight or jot key reactions as you take the inventory. Consider
about your thoughts and feelings after you finish. The process of reviewing
your be-liefs is as important as clarifying them.
Reflect on where you got
any toxic attitudes. You didn't have them at birth. Are
your key attitudes yours (based on your life experience) or someone else's?
Assess
whether your
is about to take this inventory. If not, your other well-meaning subselves
may distract you, skew your results, and/or hinder your learning.
Read any linked articles that
interest you after you're done with this inventory, to minimize distractions.
Read each item out loud,
and then decide what your attitude is. Reflect and be
aware of your thoughts, feelings, and breathing.
Option: rank your
opinion on each item from 1 (tox-ic) to 5 (nourishing), or use "?" if
your attitude is variable or unclear.
Inventory Your Attitudes...
These beliefs can help or hinder family relationships...
1) Is
legal
sometimes or always
wrong, irresponsible, cowardly,
weak, immoral, sinful, or bad; or a
painful, useful way of (a) self-learning and (b) regaining the potential
for future health, peace, and happiness for all concerned after all other
available options prove fruitless? (1 2 3 4 5)
2) Are
adults who divorce bad, sick, weak, wrong, quitters,
failures, irresponsible, losers, im-moral, and/or sinners;
or
are they psychologically
overwhelmed, scared, exhausted,
persons
seeking more peace, hope, comfort, and safety in their and their
kids' lives? (1 2 3 4 5)
3) Are
adults who have sexual or romantic
bad, sick,
irresponsible, immoral, weak, pathet-ic, wrong, and/or sinners;
or are they tormented and unconsciously controlled by a
which sig-nificantly
hinders (a) healthy
(b) wholistically-healthy intimacy,
sexual satis-faction and harmony, and
(1 2 3 4 5)
4) Are
adults who (a) conceive unwanted kids or
(b) abort
pregnancies bad, sick,
irresponsible, immoral, weak, pathetic, wrong, pitiful, and/or sinners;
or are they wounded, impulsive, reactive, needy, tormented,
scorned, guilty and shamed people needing genuine
acceptance,
empathy, suppor-tive confrontation, and
(1 2 3 4 5)
5)
Are
family adults who
sue
or call the police on each other
bad, sick, weak, pathetic, vengeful, abusive,
childish, immature, irresponsible,
immoral, and/or wrong; or are they overwhelmed, unaware,
wounded, weary, reactive, tormented people
ruled by needy, distrustful subselves who
can't
effectively
and see no better choices? (1 2 3 4 5)
6)
Are
people with past
or present
including
bad, sick,
diseased, weak-willed, losers, irresponsible, stupid, ignorant, and/or wrong,
or are they unaware,
wounded, needy, unhap-py, hopeless,
confused people whose protective false selves persistently try to provide
self medication (temporary comfort) from relentless daily
(1
2 3 4 5)
7)
Are
mothers who give up or lose child custody bad, sick, weak,
irresponsible, immoral, pathet-ic, immature, despicable, and/or wrong;
or are they...
-
making a supreme sacrifice for their child/ren
("I cannot nurture effectively now, and need others to do that, though
it breaks my heart and others don't understand") (1 2 3
4 5); or are they...
-
wounded,
unaware, financially and often educationally disadvantaged, under-supported, and
by
majorly-
and in-laws and
low-nurturance legal
and mental-health sys-tems? (1 2 3 4 5)
8)
Are stepfamilies and step-people inherently inferior to traditional
intact biofamilies? Are they comparatively abnormal, substandard,
limited, unnatural, dysfunctional, ... or are they an
ancient,
normal type of human family with (a) special
and (b) the steady potential to be as nurturing,
enjoy-able, and productive as all other kinds of
family? (1 2 3 4 5)
9) Are
typical stepparents (or stepmothers) evil, wicked, inferior,
second best, abnormal, and/or less effective caregivers;
or are
they well-meaning,
confused, significantly
idealistic, overwhelmed,
anxious,
frustrated men and women doing
their best in a confusing, alien family role and
environment
which they're usually unprepared for and lack adequate support? (1
2 3 4 5)
10) Are
(a)
kids of divorce or parental death or
(b) stepkids damaged and
disadvantaged, or are they...
-
of equal human potential with
non-divorced peers and...
-
challenged with special
adjustment
needs and wounds that may slow or block personal growth and effective adult
independence and contentment?
(1 2 3 4 5)
Option: after ranking this, read this
recent research summary.
11) Are adults and kids
who believe in a Higher Power or Supreme Being deluded, silly, weak,
gul-lible, brainwashed,
losers, New Age,
stupid, pathetic, dumb, tragic, bigoted, hypocritical, and/or unreal-istic;
or does such a
really exist, care, listen and respond, and steadily
direct each child's and adult's life course
whether they believe it or not?
(1 2 3 4 5)
12) Is
human suffering wrong, bad, tragic, awful,
purposeless, and
preventable; or is it unavoidable, instructive, and
potentially growth-promoting, long term? (1 2 3 4 5)
13)
Is interpersonal conflict
bad, unproductive, stressful, harmful, and/or "negative";
or
is conflict
(a) a useful sign that someone's
are unmet, and (b) an opportunity for personal and rela-tionship growth? (1
2 3 4 5)
More key attitudes that will affect your relationships and self-esteem:
14) Are some emotions like
anger, shame, guilt, lust, greed, scorn, and fear bad or
negative,
or
is every emotion a normal, useful sign that one or more
needs (discomforts) are currently unmet and merit attention? (1
2 3 4 5)
15) Are some adults and kids
inherently evil
(willfully malicious and incapable of genuine caring, love, empathy, and com-passion)
or are they...
-
unaware of being dominated by a protective
and...
-
relentlessly burdened with
and perhaps uncontrollable rage impulses; who...
-
lack the
and
adequate human and spiritual resources to stabilize, self-confront, and
start healing? (1 2 3 4 5)
16) Are confusions
and doubts usually bad, problematic, distracting, undesirable,
and unproduc-tive, or are they often
useful signs of (a) psychological
wounds and/or (b) symptoms of healthy
in important attitudes, perceptions, and values? (1 2 3
4 5)
17) Is
serious or chronic
always bad
or can it sometimes be a
normal sign of
the sad-ness and despair phase of healthy
that needs empathic, patient support and encouragement, not
alarm, treatment, and medication?
(1 2 3 4 5)
18) Are
adults or kids who are
excessively controlling, manipulative, aggressive,
or
bad, sick,
weak, pitiful, evil, and/or wrong; or are they
unaware of suffering from up to
six psycho-logical
and a leaderless personality
which cause impulsive, uncontrollable, hurtful actions
to other people and themselves? (1 2 3 4
5)
19) Are parents who emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically
or abandon
their kids bad, sick,
immoral, criminal, disgusting, weak, irresponsible, and/or wrong,
or are they...
-
excessively wounded, ignorant, unaware persons, ...
-
who's false-self protectively blocks
with and nurturing themselves and/or others, and...
-
who suffer relentless loneliness,
toxic shame and guilts, anxieties, and social
and
scorn and rejection, and...
-
feel situationally or chronically
trapped, helpless, and hopeless? (1 2 3 4 5)
20)
Are families who are court-ordered
into therapy or mediation usually too troubled and
resistant to really
,
or is each case
unique, with strategic chances to learn better ways of functioning toge-ther? (1 2 3 4
5)
|
21) Are people often controlled by a
false self
(wounded)
inferior, sick,
hopeless, wacko, abnor-mal,
disadvantaged, disabled, second best, and/or
crazy, or are they worthy, talented,
neglected, un-aware, miserable people doing their best to survive,
who have the steady potential to learn and
(empower their true Self to
and harmonize
their other well-meaning subselves)? (1 2 3 4 5) |
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/basics/attitudes.htm
Also see this