|
 |
|
Break the [wounds +
unawareness] cycle and guard your descendents |
 |
Traits of a
High-nurturance
Organization
Are You Participating in One
Now?
By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW |
 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/basics/hi-n-org.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so
please turn off your browser's popup
blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological
building
family relationships, breaking the [wounds + unawareness]
and
divorce. This introduction describes the Web
site's purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article
is part of a mosaic of ideas, so the more
you read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment, vs.
replace, other
professional help.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
This is one of 12
checklists you can use
to
whether you or another person are
ruled by a well-meaning
If
you or they are, that will relentlessly degrade your life in
key ways until you choose to work at personal
The 12 checklists aim to offset a
false self's protective drive to
scary realities like major psychological
and what they
Perspective
Would you agree that people form groups to fill key personal and social
Nurturing means
"need-filling." Organizations that fill their
members' key needs
well can be called "high nurturance." People raised in
families tend to work in high-nurturance organizations,
and vice versa.
|
If you work in a
low nurturance setting (where people often don't get key needs met), that may indicate that you survived a
low-nurturance childhood, and have two to six significant psychological
wounds
|
. If so, until you work
proactively to
them, they will degrade your health, relationships, and productivity, and
put your kids at risk of
similar psychological wounds.
High-nurturance organizations
(including families) have
common traits, compared to lower-nurturance organizations. I
propose
the following summary of such traits from...
-
17 years' experience working
as a systems engineer and sales representative to scores of average
(for-profit) businesses,
-
29 years' experience studying relationship and family
health,
-
seven years' experience working on the Board of a
large suburban non-profit mental-health center, and...
-
recovering
from my own false-self wounds since 1986.
This
worksheet provides...
-
a summary of 30 common
traits of
high-nurturance organizations, and...
-
a summary of
key options if you conclude you work in a low-nurturance setting.
Before evaluating your work setting, take a...
Status Check
This non-profit educational Web site is based on some key premises.
See how they compare to what you believe. In the following, T = "true, I
agree; F = "false, I disagree;" and ? = "I'm not sure, or it depends on
_____."
1) Families
exist to fill
the
needs of their
and
kids. Some fill these needs (nurture) better than others. Thus
any family - like yours - can be
judged on a scale from "very low nurturance" to very high nurturance." (T
F ?)
2)
People
raised in
childhoods usually...
-
develop protective "
" (disorganized
to survive. False selves cause
(a) up to six psychological
in adults and kids,
which cause
(b)
mixes of typical behavioral symptoms.
(T F ?); and they...
-
often choose
human-service occupations like education, law, counseling, clergy, medicine,
customer service, consulting, etc. (T F ?); and typical
low-nurturance survivors...
-
tend to work in low-nurturance organizations
which inhibit their
from any
false-self wounds. (T F ?)
3)
Non-family organizations exist to fill the
primary needs of (a) the people they serve, (b)
their employees and
volunteers, and (c) their regulators, funders, and donors.
Any organization can be rated
between very low-nurturance to very high, depending on how well they fill
the primary needs of these two or three groups (in someone's opinion). (T F
?)
4)
The nurturance-level of
an organization is directly proportional to how wounded and unaware the
group's policy-makers and leaders are. Leaders with...
-
few
false-self wounds,
-
adequate knowledge of
relationship and
organization skills, and...
-
accurate perceptions of
members' and clients'
or customers' primary needs...
...tend to evolve high-nurturance (effective) organizations. Conversely,
significantly-wounded leaders tend
to (a) attract and choose wounded,
unaware members,
and (b) evolve low-nurturance organizations.
(T F ?)
5) Co-workers in low and high-nurturance organizations each have
characteristic behaviors. Members of
low and high-nurturance families have similar behaviors. (T F
?)
6) People
in true (vs. pseudo) recovery from false-self domination tend to (a) become
dissatisfied with low-nurturance organizations, and they (b) seek higher-nurturance
workplaces within their profession. Wounded people who aren't recovering
tend to stay in low-nurturance settings despite major discomforts, or
they change jobs frequently without gaining lasting satisfaction. (T F
?)
7) Right now
I feel a mix of "light," grounded, alert, aware, alive, focused, calm,
centered, purposeful, "up," confidant, strong, serene, "light,"
realistic,
grounded, compassionate, resilient, and clear. (T F
?) These are symptoms that your personality is currently guided by your
If you don't feel some mix of
these now, your false self is apt to distort your answers below.
Pause,
and notice
what you're thinking and feeling.
Now put these premises to work:
-
On a scale of 1 (very low nurturance) to 10 (very high nurturance), I'd rate my
childhood
family as a ___.
-
On the same 1-10 scale, I'd rate the nurturance-level
of my
current workplace
or school as a ___.
-
On a scale of 1 (I'm very
psychologically) to 10 (I'm
and have no significant wounds), I feel I'm
now a ___ .
Now use your beliefs to get a sense of the nurturance-level of your work
setting. Set aside ~ 20" of undistracted time, and adopt the open mind of
a student. Choose the attitude that
anything you learn here can improve
your and any dependents' lives.
Common Traits of
High-nurturance Organizations
Premise: any organization that
consistently fills the key needs
of its members or workers, clients, and funders well enough will have many of the
traits below.
Check the items below you feel clearly apply to your work
or school setting, or write a number from 1 (no) to
10 (yes). Don't check an item unless you can check each sub-item ("_")
without ambivalence.
Take your time to reflect on each item. Note that these
traits apply to classrooms, church congregations, neighborhoods, sports
teams, and volunteer organizations if you change "co-worker" to "group
member."
| __ 1) All
co-workers are _ clear enough on their organization's main
goals and policies, and _
respect them well enough. _ Leaders' behaviors consistently match and
promote these goals and policies. |
__ 2) All co-workers feel their organization's executives,
managers, and supervisors are effective enough in their job roles.
This includes goal-setting, planning, delegating, evaluating, problem-solving,
deciding, supporting, coaching, coordinating, confronting, and appreciating. |
| __ 3)
All co-workers feel steady personal
_ pride in and _ concern
for _ themselves, _ each other, and _ the organization. |
__ 4) All co-workers feel _ genuine self-respect and _ respect the equal
rights and
of each other enough, despite personal differences. |
|
__ 5) Each co-worker knows clearly _ who
they work for in the organization, _ what their main job responsibilities
are, and _ how their performance is evaluated. |
__ 6)
Each co-worker usually feels _ their job is worthwhile enough, _ satisfying
enough, and _ uses their talents and abilities well enough. |
|
__ 7) Within limits, professional "mistakes" and
"failures" are usually seen as important chances
to grow, vs. reasons to blame, ridicule, and shame. |
__ 8) Co-workers usually feel they're _ well trained enough and _
have enough resources to perform the roles they've accepted. |
|
__
9) All co-workers feel
that written and verbal communication among all
levels of the organization is
enough.
|
__ 10) Co-workers steadily share a sense of
and common
purpose, vs. jealousy, antagonism, resentments, and insecurities. |
| _ 11) All co-workers are
effectively coached to do win-win
vs. arguing, fighting, blaming,
defending, and/or
avoiding. |
_ 12) Co-workers are _ encouraged to propose responsible
improvements to the organization, and _ are recognized well enough for
doing so. |
|
_ 13) Co-workers share a
high level of _ self and _ mutual trust. This promotes inner and mutual honesty;
there are no
major secrets, denials, or taboos (e.g. "We don't talk about that!") |
_ 14) When significant
organizational changes occur, all co-workers
feel they _ got enough notice, _ understand the changes and how they'll
affect them, and _ have had enough opportunity to ask questions of, or make
suggestions to, appropriate people. |
| _ 15) Co-workers feel
they have adequate chances to discuss and resolve confusions and conflicts
over money, fringe benefits, and working conditions. |
_ 16) All co-workers are comfortable enough with the organization's
between professional and personal life. |
|
_ 17) Co-workers are encouraged to
work, rest, and play,
and see all three as equally valuable to their job
performance and their organization's success. |
_ 18) Managers and
workers generally
each other as equally-valuable people and
professionals, rather than feeling antagonistic, biased, or competitive. |
| _ 19)
Co-workers generally feel the management balances the needs of _
employees or members, _ clients, and _ funders well enough. |
_ 20)
Co-workers _ feel safe in asking for help in resolving local problems, and _
usually do so, rather than being
or ineffective. |
_ 21) Co-workers share
realistic (vs. idealistic) optimism and hopes; A general
spirit of "Let's try!" and "I / You / we can!" prevails |
_ 22)
All levels of co-workers
often exchange genuine, spontaneous, encouragements, affirmations, and appreciations
(praise). |
| _ 23)
Co-workers are trained and encouraged to_ accurately
clients' primary (vs. surface)
needs, and _ factor those into the services that they provide.
|
_ 24)
Co-workers _ understand what they need
to do to advance in the organization and profession, and feel _
encouraged enough to grow personally and professionally. |
| _ 25) All
co-workers value _
learning and _
, vs. fearing, resisting,
avoiding, or
minimizing them. |
_ 26)
Co-workers share genuine interest in how their organization affects the
local _ community and _ ecological environments, and are _ proactive
in improving these, within reason. |
| _ 27)
The organization and its leader/s, services, and employees are well
respected in local and professional communities. |
_ 28)
Co-workers on all levels display most of these
high-nurturance behaviors relative to
their workplace, most of the time. |
|
_ 29)
Co-workers
_ share a spirit of balanced service to themselves, each other, and
other living things; and _ appreciate those who serve them. |
_ 30)
Managers and supervisors _ receive adequate training and coaching on how to
be effective leaders, and _
they get enough constructive feedback on their abilities. |
| _
31) (add your own traits)
|
_ 32) |
Note your
to what you just read...
-
I feel that together, these traits are a
reliable-enough way to judge the nurturance-level or
of any organization or
group. (T F ?)
-
From 1 (very low) to 10 (very high), I'd rate the nurturance-level
of the organization I work
or study in as a ___.
-
Now I feel the odds that I have significant false-self
are about ___ %.
-
My
is responding to these items now. (T
F ?)
Now What?
This and
11 related checklists
exist to help you decide if you have significant false-self wounds that are lowering the quality
and length of
your life, and jeopardizing any dependent kids. Recall why you read this,
and then consider these
options...
Do nothing with these results, or postpone
acting on them;
Decide to use more of the
checklists to widen your
awareness;
Increase your perspective by evaluating
the
of your childhood and/or current family;
Learn more about your multi-part
(inner
family), and/or review these typical questions
about normal subselves;
Review this comparison of
the traits of your true Self and a protective false self;
Study this introduction to personal
recovery from false-self wounds;
Read and reflect on these ideas on healthy and toxic
spiritual and religious beliefs,
churches, and spiritual or religious communities and denominations;
Show this worksheet to someone else, and/or discuss the concepts and results with them;
Scan these representative books
about recovery from low-nurturance childhoods to get an idea of what's
available; or...
Identify specifically why you're working at the
organization you are, now; or...
Invest in
the
guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life?, or...
Browse the Project-1
site links, or...
Do something else.
+ + +
<<
Prior page / Add to favorites
/ Print page
/ Email this article's address
>>
home
/ site overview
/
directory /
site map
/
Q&A /
/
solutions
/
site search
/
glossary
research /
free course /
guidebooks
/
NEW
forums /
resources / feedback
and/or subscribe / *
Updated
September 19, 2008
|