• home > site overview > site map, directory, or search > Q&A, Project-7 links, Solution article, or other page > here

The Web address of this quiz is http://sfhelp.org/basics/quiz.htm

        Clicking links below will open an informative popup or a full browser window - so please turn off your popup blocker, or accept popups from this nonprofit Web site.

         You followed a link here to learn whether you can upgrade your knowledge about personalities and/or human relationships. This quiz and the articles it links to come from my study of human development, relationships, and groups (including families) for over half a century. Option: compare your beliefs to the premises about people and relationship "problems" that underlie this quiz.

If this is your first visit to this divorce-prevention Web site, I suggest you (a) take this quiz without following any links, and (b) take the three related quizzes. Then follow any links that interest you, or consult the site map, directory, or overview to review your options.

        This quiz exists to help you decide whether you should study the basics in this educational site. My experience as a professional family systems therapist since 1981 has taught me that most lay adults and many human-service professionals are vague, misinformed, or unaware of fundamental life-concepts like these.

Unawareness is one of five reasons that many family and work relationships are significantly stressful. Self-motivated learning and trying new behaviors can change that!

        To get the most from this quiz, choose at least 30" of undistracted time. Consider whether jour-naling about your experience would increase your awareness and learnings. If you've begun to under-stand who leads the subselves that form your personality, decide whether your true Self is taking this quiz, or some well-meaning Vulnerable and/or Guardian subselves are. If they are, expect skewed results to this quiz.

        This quiz tests your knowledge about (a) you, and being a person; and (b) healthy relationships.  The answer to each item is in one or more linked articles in this Web site and in the related guidebooks.  These topics are part of the basic information that adults and supporters need to know to create high-nurturance families. The other topics are...

• effective communication,

• healthy grief,

• effective co-parenting,

• family systems, and for some,

• stepfamily basics.

Follow the links to see what your family members need to know!

        Take your time here - answering superficially defeats the value of this quiz. Check an item as "true" only if you can confidently check all sub-items. Before continuing, reflect: what needs are you trying to fill by taking this quiz?

  About Me and Being a Person

__ 1)  I have frequent periods of inner peace and serenity, or if not, I'm usually aware of why.

__ 2)  I'm usually clearly aware of my _ current surface (secondary) needs and my _ primary needs          "beneath" them.

__ 3)  I'm _ clearly aware of my life purpose or mission, or I'm _ actively working to identify and pursue it          within my limits. 

__ 4)  I can _ name the subselves that comprise my personality, and _ I can say what each subself's          main talent or "job" is.

__ 5)  I _ can describe the difference between a true Self and a false self to an average teenager, and I _         usually know when my Self (capital "S") is making my key life decisions.

__ 6)  I _ can usually sense when a child or adult is blended (controlled by their false self), and _ I'm          often aware of my subselves' reactions when that's true.

__ 7)  I can name _ six false-self wounds often caused by low-nurturance childhoods, _ the typical           impacts of these wounds, and I know _ where to find the common behavioral symptoms of each of          these wounds in this Web site.

__ 8)  I  can clearly describe to another person

_ the difference between first-order and second-order human change,

_ how this difference relates to false-self control of my (or another's) personality, and...

_ why this knowledge is vital to me and my loved ones in making major life decisions like    marriage and child conception and/or adoption.

__ 9)  I can _ name the three levels of healthy grieving, _ the key phases of each level, and _ I can          describe when grieving is "done."

__ 10)  I understand _ what's needed for healthy grieving, and _ how grief can get slowed or blocked in a            child or adult.

__ 11)  I know _ at least five of the symptoms of blocked grief, and _ how to support a mourner            effectively.

__ 12)  I know _ the difference between active grieving and depression, and _ how to react to each of            these in _ myself and _ other people I care about.

__ 13)  I can clearly describe what...

 _ my childhood-family's grief policy was, and _ how it has affected my ability to mourn well; and what...

_ my current family's grief policy is, and _ whether it promotes healthy or blocked grief.

__ 14)  I can explain _ the difference between shame and guilt to an average teenager, _ where each            comes from, and how to _ avoid and _ heal each of them over time.

__ 15)  I know _ why normal (vs. excessive) anxiety is helpful, and _ how to reduce my excessive            anxieties and fears to "normal."

__ 16)  I clearly know _ the difference between spirituality and religion, and _ how that difference relates            to my wholistic health. 

__ 17)  I...

_  can name at least 20 of my basic rights as a valuable, dignified human being, and I...

_  consistently live by these rights, and I...

_  respect and _ encourage all other people in my life to honor their identical rights,     regardless of age, gender, culture, race, or role. And...

__ 18)  I can name the four types of addiction, at least three traits of a true addiction, and _ three            reasons addictions exist in all eras and cultures.   

        Pause, breathe, and reflect... what did you just learn about yourself? Now switch gears and become aware of your...

Knowledge of Satisfying (High nurturance) Relationships...

__  19)  I can name _ the four groups of factors needed for a healthy (high nurturance) relationship             between any two people, and _ many of the key ingredients in each group.

__  20)  I can clearly describe at least six of the key differences between a nurturing relationship and a             toxic relationship.  

__  21)  I can now describe _ how the personalities of two people in a relationship interact, and I know _             how to talk about that interaction effectively with my relationship partners.

__  22)  I can _ clearly describe each of these relationship terms, and I _ usually know when and how to             apply them in my activities, and _ how to explain them clearly to kids in my life. 

__  23)  I can _ name at least seven or more of the common symptoms of codependence (relationship             addiction), and _ I know whether I have the condition of co-dependence to a significant degree.

__  24)  I can clearly describe...

_  what an interpersonal (or innerpersonal) relationship triangle is,

_  why triangles can be significantly stressful - specially if minor kids are involved; and...

_  what responsible adults can do to _ avoid and _ permanently dissolve significant triang-    les.

__  25)  I can clearly describe the key _ traits of, and _ differences between, co/dependent, interdepen-            dent, and independent relationships; and I can _ say which of these styles best describes my             key relationships.

__  26)  I know _ which one of the 12 co-parent Projects in this site is about building and keeping a high-            nurturance primary relationship, and I know _ where to find the index of articles (site pages) that             describe this vital Project.

__  27)  I can name...

_ the three phases of a divorce,

_ typical divorce-adjustment tasks kids and adults face, and...

_ how to judge when a divorce is "finished."

__  28)  I know where to find (a) this Web site's articles on resolving common relationship problems in              divorcing families and stepfamilies; and (b) I'm learning what I need to know in order to use those             articles effectively for our family. 

        Pause and reflect - what are you thinking and feeling now? How do you feel about your basic knowledge of yourself and typical persons? Do most of your family adults know these fundamentals? If not, how is that affecting your relationships and harmony?

        To complete your foundation-knowledge inventory, take these similar quizzes on...

• Communication-skill basics. Co-parent Project-2 articles or the related guidebook Satisfactions will provide the answers; and...

• Good-grief basics. Project 5 exists (partly) because few co-parents know these vital concepts; and the quiz on

• Family-system basics. Do you know how to judge your family's "functionality"?

        And if relevant, also quiz yourself on these...

• Stepfamily basics.

This non-profit, divorce-prevention Web site exists because typical adults know too few of the things in these five quizzes. This significantly lowers the nurturance level of their relationships and family, and may degrade their health and longevity.

        Pause, breathe from your belly, close your eyes, and notice with interest what your "inner voices" (subselves) are saying. What does that mean to you? Consider journaling about what's going on among your dynamic inner family now...

What Now?

        How did you do? If you found these items overwhelming, easy does it. I've found very few experienced family adults who could honestly answer "Yes, I know that" to more than a third of these life-skill basics. Most of our parents and grandparents didn't know these things when they were raising us, and many human-service professionals were never taught them either (!) 

        I hope this quiz motivates you to learn more about your unique, amazing personality subselves, and how you can significantly raise the nurturance levels in the key relationships among them and key kids and adults in your life. Is there anyone you want to give a copy of this quiz to or refer them to this Web article?

        As you see, there's a lot to learn, evaluate, apply, and teach your kids! Doing so patiently, with the unbiased curiosity of a student is a priceless investment in raising the quality of your days, your health, and your life. To expand your awareness and knowledge, take similar quizzes on effective communication, healthy grieving, and stepfamily basics.

        Option: re-read this quiz, identify the links that intrigue you, and follow each of them over some days or weeks to learn what's there. Another option is to find a motivated partner to study with, and discuss and mull as you go. Review these suggestions about how to best use this site - i.e. how to get the most for your time.

        Note that these basics articles are not meant to decree what you should think or believe. From 69 years' experience and 29 years' research, I encourage you clarify your own beliefs about the core requisites for satisfying relationships, families, and lives. The reason for this is that unawareness and ignorance (lack of knowledge) seem to be one of five potent causes of epidemic American family unhappiness and psychological or legal divorce.

Typical co-parents don't know what they don't know about these basics. Do you?

+ + +

        Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not - what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise true Self or "someone else"?

<<  This quiz was very helpful  somewhat helpful  not helpful   >>  

<<  Prior page  /  Add to favorites  /  Print page  /  Email this article's address  >>

 home  /  site overview  /  directory  /  site map  /  Q&A  /  quizzes  /  solutions  /  site search  /  glossary

  research  /  free course  /  guidebooks  /  NEW  forums  /  resources  /  feedback  and/or  subscribe  /  * copyright info

Updated  June 25, 2008