The Web
address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/basics/relationship.htm
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This is one of over 150 articles focused on healing psychological
building
family relationships, breaking the [wounds + unawareness]
and preventing divorce.
This introduction describes the Web site's
purpose and the best ways to use its resources. Each article is part
of a mosaic of ideas, so the more you
read, the more sense they'll all make. These articles augment, vs.
replace, other
professional help.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
+ + +
We humans are social critters.
adults and kids
instinctively form minor to primary
- emotional attachments
-
with various other living things across their lives, starting with early
caregivers. Relationships form between people if they share bonds
(caring), needs (dependencies), and/or common interests and goals.
Your
relationships are governed by your and your partner's
needs, and
circumstan-ces. They range between nurturing
filling and growth-promoting) to toxic
(wounding), personal (sig-nificant intimacy) to impersonal (little or no
intimacy), and proactive (intentional, conscious) to reactive (passive,
unconscious).
All relationships have common elements, and (re)marriages have special ones.
suggests one or both
partners (a) made
commitment/s, and/or
(b) inevitable aging and personal change shifted the pleasure <-> pain
balance of the relationship to intolerable for one or both mates.
Millions of average Americans
re/divorce legally or psychologically. Many are in
with
minor and/or grown children and one or more ex mates.
Our
instincts, experiences, and relentless media stimulation constantly
reinforce our longing and striving for good / satisfying / healthy / loving
/ genuine relationships with others. If you become
of the factors that
shape the quality of your key relationships, you can...
This checklist of relationship ingredients is a thoughtful opinion
from 69 years' personal and
27 years' clinical
experience and study. Use it to clarify and discuss your
respective beliefs about what's needed to build and keep a healthy-enough
relationship.
This and other
about personal
healthy
and
stepfamilies (if relevant) promotes the
satisfying, high-nurturance family and social relationships you mates want
for yourselves and others you care for.
Premises...
For perspective on this inventory, see how you feel about these basic ideas:
1)
To form
high-nurturance thriving relationships, adults and kids need
(a) a
stable, nurturing environment + (b) a well-functioning
in each partner +
(c) shared
communication
knowledge, and interests. Each partner can
control or acquire
of these factors and not others. If one or both partners lack individual
factors, sharing the top ingredients below isn't
enough for sustained relationship satisfactions.
2)
A core requisite for any healthy relationship is that
each person's
personality is often
by their resident
Divorce, codependence,
social isolation, addictions, depressions, and most other
personal and social "problems" strongly suggest that the people involved are
dominated by false selves, and don't know that or how to reduce it. The
Web pages and
guidebook
Who's Really Running Your Life? offer perspective, answers, options, and resources.
3) Most core relationship ingredients
(below) come
from a
childhood. Once aware
of them, co-parents guided by their
true Selves can cultivate these factors
in and between their homes. To do this, typical
adults and stepfamily
co-parents first need to help each other become
and assess and
their false-self
over time. Ideally this
begins in courtship.
4)
Courtship neediness,
idealisms, and excitement are apt to
your clear,
subjective assessment of these relationship ingredients with a prospective
partner and any kids. Over half of typical
re/marrying Americans eventually decide that they
committed to the wrong
for the wrong
at the wrong
That's why this Web
site, free pre-re/marriage
and companion guidebook
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002) exist. The sequel is
The Remarriage Book
(Xlibris.com, 2002).
A
harmonious
Partner "A" Ingredients