The Web address of this
two-page article is
http://sfhelp.org/etx/intro_etx.htm
Continued...
The first page
summarized my background, commented on
terminology and basic premises in this series, noted key assumptions
about you, and summarized unique elements of this clinical model. This page
suggests how to best use this modular series of articles for professionals,
and offers a preview of typical client problems.
How to Best Use These Clinical Articles
This is an information-rich, modular, non-profit educational Web site for lay
and professional visitors, based on my focused research and clinical experience since
1981. For perspective on why the site exists, see
this. The modular design of the articles and site sections allows you to
study selected parts of the clinical model. The more you read and integrate the ~150
articles in this site, the more sense they'll all make - specially if you try the
ideas along the way.
Four ways to get the most from these clinical articles (and this Web site) are...
-
do a "Self-check,"
-
clarify specifically what you want to gain
by studying and integrating this model into your professional work and
relationships,
-
study the core concepts that comprise the
model with an open mind; and...
-
Imagine teaching your family members,
clients or patients, students, and co-workers these ideas as you study
them.
Here's some perspective on each of these...
1) Is Your True Self
Guiding You?
The biggest potential barrier to your benefiting from these articles is that you
may be ruled by a well-meaning
without knowing it. Typical Guardian
that comprise a false self can include a
("These ideas are too far out - forget it!"), an
and/or
("This is WAY to complex - we don't have time to read all this stuff!"), an
("I know all this stuff already"), a
tireless
("This guy is clearly a space
cadet, and his ideas are wrong!"), and a
("Oy
- I have to study every one of these several hundred articles to gain the
knowledge I seek!")
If subselves like these govern your personality now, you risk distorting the
information here, skimming without understanding, misunderstanding, or
giving up too soon. For more perspective, see this
and return. Option: to see if your
is guiding your other subselves, compare how you feel now with
- honestly. If you're skeptical about personality subselves, please
choose an open (nonjudgmental) attitude, and...
-
see which set of these
behavioral symptoms best describes
you recently,
-
read my three-page
letter to you,
-
try this safe, interesting
exercise - "interview" one of your
subselves,
-
read this real-life case study
of subselves affecting a couple and stepfamily, and...
-
scan this booklist for some of the many
professional authors who have published articles and books about subselves
over recent decades.
|
If you don't at
least have an open
mind about the reality of non-pathological personality subselves ("maybe
they're real, maybe not..."), you'll
miss the potential value of this clinical model to you and your clients,
patients, and supervisees; and risk ineffective
service to the people you serve and work with. |
Status check - rank yourself
now on a scale of one (I totally disagree that personalities are
composed of semi-autonomous subselves)
to ten (I'm absolutely
convinced normal personalities are composed of a group of interactive
subselves), I'm currently a ___.
The second way you can get the most from studying these articles and ideas
is to...
2) Get Clear on What
You Need Here
Premises - (a) you're investing time and energy reading this in
order to satisfy one or more needs - i.e. to reduce some
discomforts; and (b) most people are not practiced at discerning the
primary needs that cause their current discomforts, and they focus on
satisfying surface needs (symptoms). To gain a sense of whether this is true
for you, experiment:
-
try saying out loud why you're reading this
and may spend more time and energy reading other articles in this series
and Web site.
-
Now read this three-page article on "digging
down" to discern primary needs, and again say out loud why you're
reading this. See if anything changes. Then imagine asking typical adult
family-members, clients, students, and co-workers to try the same
exercise...
If you aren't clear on what
you're seeking now. I suggest you scan or study these
clinical questions and/or
introductory articles to help
focus your search.
To evolve and integrate a solid foundation for tailoring and applying this
model in your family and professional work...
3) Review the Basics First
I urge you not to skip the
key premises underlying this model
in order to solve current client (or personal) problems. The core
interactive premises that comprise the model are outlined in these slide
presentations and articles:
Note - if these slide
presentations don't display properly, try viewing them with the Internet
Explorer or Netscape browser.
I
suggest you adopt the open, patient, questioning mind of a student, and
expect to spend several weeks growing an awareness of this mosaic of
clinical concepts and tailoring them to fit your world-view and values. Then
try validating the ideas in your professional work, and see if your clinical
outcomes improve.
Option -
study these materials with one or
more co-workers who are self-motivated to work
with divorcing-family and stepfamily clients
and/or trauma recoverers. Ideally, you'll each accept
that learning to treat these clients effectively as a long-term
knowledge and skill-building process which will benefit from your
co-workers' perceptions wisdom, and experience.
Option - if you work in a group
setting and most co-workers have a significant number of these
complex clients, consider requesting an in-service series to help all of you - including supervisors,
consultants, and program managers - expand your awareness and fluency with
this mosaic of ideas, tools, and techniques.
Status
Check - to see how well you understand these basics, invest time in
these four
As you do, imagine how typical client adults and co-workers would do in
answering the questions...
Finally, I invite you to...
4) Imagine Teaching These
Ideas to Your Clients
Finally, if you and/or people you care about are separated,
or committed to a stepfamily, use the ideas and resources in
this site to work for you all personally. The many articles and worksheets
here are integrated in a series of related guidebooks for lay and professional readers alike. My goal is to
integrate these professional articles into a similar book for clinicians.
Preview of Typical Client Problems
Typical divorcing-family and stepfamily clients seek counseling or therapy
for a wide range of surface problems, but the primary problems that cause
them are relatively few. In my experience, they are combinations of these:
-
The keystone systemic problem is one or more
family adults has significant false-self
- and doesn't (want to) know that or what it means to them
maritally, and
parentally.
-
Family adults (and therefore kids) are
unaware of effective communication basics and
skills, and cannot
and problem-solve effectively. They
can't identify what they really need, because they don't
know what they need to know. Significant false-self wounds always
amplify ineffective thinking and problem-solving among family members.
-
Because of their psychological wounds and
couples commit to the wrong partner, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong
time. This inexorably causes escalating relationship and parental
frustrations and conflicts over time, and cannot be undone.
The most productive clinical
option is to educate and motivate couples to make informed choices
before they commit!
-
The family has ineffective or toxic
and
policies, and one or more members are blocked in grieving major
(broken bonds). This promotes a wide range of surface problems
(symptoms) like "depression," rage attacks, social isolation, (some)
obesity, and addictions - which usually cause a web of secondary
systemic problems themselves.
-
Because of their wounds and ignorances,
intact or separated co-parents
are unable to adequately fill their minor kids'
developmental and family-adjustment
needs. This causes a wide range of personal and behavioral
problems in the kids, and between kids and other people. Often adult
clients need to believe one or more children is/are the problem, rather
than admit their wounds + ignorances + a resulting
family environment. Those that do admit the latter usually don't know
what to do about them.
-
Depending on their developmental
path and
stage, typical stepfamily couples, ex mates, and kids have a web of
additional systemic problems. These include concurrent surface
conflicts over...
-
stepfamily identity + membership + norms
(unrealistic expectations);
-
defining and stabilizing up to 15 alien
stepfamily
(e.g. step-uncle and step-niece, and half-sibling) and related
relationship
-
first and last names, and family-role
titles ("Are you "mom," "my stepmom," Peggy, or "Dad's new wife?")
-
many
and
(priority) conflicts and associated persecutor-victim-rescuer
relationship
-
interactive co-parenting
between divorced parents and (often) their new mates.
-
a web of concurrent alien
surface confusions and conflicts
over child discipline, household responsibilities, visitations,
custody, health, financial support, religion, adoption, changing
homes, vacations and holidays, and education.
Typical client adults and
many human-service professionals focus on resolving these surface
issues rather than the primary problems above.
Premise - the
of any counseling or therapy with divorcing-family and stepfamily clients
depends on the clinician's (a) qualifications
and (b) ability to accurately assess each of these problems and intervene
strategically to facilitate adult clients learning how to avoid and manage
them.
Options
What
you do next with these clinical articles and ideas will depend on many
factors.
In general, I respectfully suggest that you...
-
Honestly
which subselves usually control your personality - in calm and
stressful situations with your family members, clients, patients,
students, and co-workers. Work
toward having your true Self
your other subselves in all situations.
-
Review and refine your definitions of...
The clearer you are on each of these, the
better able you'll be to gauge and improve your evolving professional
success with the people you serve and work with.
-
By definition, effective clinical work
promotes beneficial changes in client systems. Refresh and refine your
understanding of why subself and family systems
change or don't change. Then keep these
timeless
in mind as you live and work.
-
Commit to a self-education program on
relevant aspects of this clinical model. At the minimum, I urge you to
study all these slide
presentations with an open mind. They offer many links to more
detail on each topic. These core topics have personal and professional
benefits.
-
Apply these ideas first to your family and
most prized relationships, and note the results over time. Then
apply them to your co-workers and the people you serve. Option -
evaluate the nurturance-level of the
organization you work in, and (b) how it affects your
wholistic health and your
professional effectiveness and satisfaction.
-
Invite your supervisor, consultants, and
co-workers to consider and discuss the main ideas in this
series of clinical articles. Premise
- The more you all agree and practice your version of these ideas
together, the higher your group nurturance
level, clinical effectiveness, and personal and shared
satisfactions.
-
Get clear on your choice to (a) help those
you serve reduce these stressors in their families, (b) to
prevent the toxic effects of the
[wounds + ignorance]
in families, couples, families, and your community, state, or society,
or (c) work at both goals.
-
Review these common clinical
errors and
blocks relative to your work, and decide which - if any - you want
to proactively reduce over time. Note who's deciding this - your true
Self (capital "S"), or some other subselves.
Pause, breathe, and reflect on your (dominant subselves') reactions to these
options. Which appeal to you and which don't? Why?
Recap
This
article introduces a series of Web articles and resources for professional
counselors, therapists, life coaches, family-life educators, and the people who support them. The series is based
on my learnings as a professional private-practice systemic therapist since
1981. These articles aim to expand your awareness of what you and your
clients, patients, students, and colleagues need to (a) break the legacy of
the [wounds + ignorance] cycle, and (b) raise your and their wholistic
health and family and organizational nurturance levels and daily
satisfactions.
The
article summarizes how this clinical model
differs from others and how to
best use the ideas in the series, and summarizes
core problems that typical divorcing-family
and stepfamily clients seek clinical help to solve. The article closes with
specific suggestions about useful next steps,
regardless of your unique personality, experience, professional role,
client-mix, and situation.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - did you get what you needed from this article?
If so, what do you need to do next? If not - what
now?
