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http://sfhelp.org/gwc/12steps.htm
Also see http://sfhelp.org/fam/addiction.htm
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This article is written to
people interested in reducing psychological wounds and toxic compulsions
like addictions. It's also written to lay and professional people supporting
them. This YouTube clip previews what you'll find in this article:
This article assumes you're familiar with...
the
intro to this site and the
premises
underlying it
I am a veteran family therapist and
an "ACoA."
- the Adult Child of
alcoholic parents. My ACoA research and recovery and my clinical work
with over 1,000 average women and men since 1981 have convinced me that...
young kids enduring significant adult
abandonment, neglect, and abuse develop two to six psychological
''wounds.'' The key wound is significant personality "splitting" and the
development of a protective ''false self;''
These wounds and a dysfunctional family
environment cause kids and adults major chronic "inner pain" - a mix of
shame, guilt,
fears,
loneliness, hurt, confusion, emptiness,
despair, frustration, and anger;
All
non-organic addictions (toxic compulsions) are unconscious
attempts to reduce this relentless inner pain -not a
"disease," "illness," or "character defect."
One implication is that addictions arenot shameful, and
recovery programs like AA should drop the old shame-based "Anonymous"
label.
once (1) aware of their psychological wounds, and (2)
hitting true (vs. pseudo, or preliminary) ''bottom,'' Grown Wounded
Children (GWCs) CAN...
find
wholistically-healthy ways to free their true Self and reduce their
inner pain over time; and...
end
compulsive toxic dependence on chemicals, mood-states (e.g. ''rageaholism,'
and sexual arousal), activities (e.g. gambling, shopping, and
over-eating), and relationships (codependence) without
ongoing dependence on a 12-step support group to maintain stable
sobriety.
After
31 years' study and 25 years' personal ACoA
recovery, I believe that the 12-step life philosophyfirst promoted in 1935 by
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) co-founders "Dr. Bob" and "Bill W."
can significantly help reduce psychological wounds (inner pain)
and harmful compulsive self-soothing (''addictions'').
However, to my knowledge, all the "Anonymous" world-service organizations
like AA, CoDA, Al-Anon, FA, GA, NA, SA, SAA, and ACoA are presently unaware
of how childhood trauma and psychological wounds promote addictions. Two
key implications:
Traditional addiction "recovery" focuses on achieving and
maintaining "sobriety" - freedom from harmful compulsive behaviors - not
on reducing psychological wounds and choosing functional environments.
This focuses on controlling the symptom (addiction), not healing
the cause of inner pain (false-self dominance and unawareness); and...
the current 12 steps are genuinely helpful to many
addicts (GWCs) - but do not focus people on (1) wound-awareness and
acceptance and (2) reducing harmful false-self control. This means that
traditional "sobriety" stops short of full wholistic health.
Addictionrelapses and cross-addictions are widespread evidence
of this premise.
.
These ideas pose a dilemma - which comes first - controlling an addiction
(stable "sobriety"), or reducing psychological wounds and false-self
dominance? My experience to date in working with hundreds of Grown Wounded
Children is that progress on each simultaneously is the best course, over
time. Ultimately, each GWC must find their own answer to this, based on
guidance from their Higher Power and their wise true Self.
Restated -
I propose that the proven 12-step philosophy can be a major asset and
blueprint for both addiction management and GWC wound-reduction - if the Steps are updated to reflect the reality of
psychological wounds and false-self dominance. So I offer...
A Proposed Update of the 12 Steps
With veneration for the courageous men and women who created, validated, and
implemented the original 12 "Anonymous" steps, I propose an upgrade to reflect new
knowledge.
Based on the beliefs above, this upgrade integrates the idea that addicts,
co-addicts, and all of us struggling to lift ourselves out of shame,
confusion, emptiness, and fear are really
trying to restore our
true Selves to
lead our other
personality subselves,
with the essential support of our
Higher Power.
The ACoA World Service organization
amendment of the original 12 AA steps is reprinted below on the left, and my
proposed update on the right. Proposed changes are in
italics. I offer this to fellow recoverers and their families and supporters as "wet clay," for
much is new, uncertain, and unexplored.
ACoA 12 Steps
Proposed
Update
1) We admitted we were powerless over the
effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had
become unmanageable.
1) I accept that I have been powerless over
the effects of my inherited psychological wounds, and that my
life has become unmanageable.
2) Came to believe that a power greater
than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
2) I have come to believe that a power greater than
me can help me restore my
true Self to
guide and harmonize my
personality
3) Made a decision to turn our will and
our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
3) I decided to turn my will and
life over to the care of God as
I perceive God.
4) Made a searching and fearless moral
inventory of ourselves.
5) Admitted to God, to our selves, and to
another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
5) I admitted to God, myself, and
another person the exact nature of my false self's harmful behaviors.
6) Were entirely ready to have God remove
all these defects of character.
6) I was entirely ready to have God
help me permanently
reduce my psychological wounds.
7) Humbly asked God to remove our
shortcomings.
7) I humbly asked God to empower
me to
shift my personality leadership to God and my
true Self.
8) Made a list of all persons we had
harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
8) I identified all persons my false
self has
significantly harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9) Made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
9) I made direct amends to such people
wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others.
10) Continued to take personal inventory
and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
10) I continued to take personal inventory
and, when I was wrong, promptly admitted it without undue
guilt, shame, or
anxiety.
11) Sought through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying
only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry it out.
11) I sought through prayer and meditation to
improve my
relationship with my
Higher Power, seeking to improve my awareness of God's will for
me, and
the
courage to carry it out.
12)
Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to
carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these
principles in all our affairs.
12) Having
had a spiritual awakening from these steps,
I
try to practice them in my daily
life, and to
model and respectfully offer these principles to others who
inherited
psychological
wounds.
Whatever expression of these ideas fits you
best, I believe the spirit of the 12 steps offers health-seekers an effective framework and guide
toward
wholistic health, compassion,
serenity, high-nurturance families, and
being all we can be. There are many Web sites devoted
to recovery. It's comforting to realize how many of us are
working toward the same goal!
Recap
From my 25 years'
experience as a recovering ACoA, this article proposes that:
all
non-organic addictions are unconscious attempts to reduce major
psychological pain originating in early-childhood trauma;
permanent
addiction management ("sobriety") depends on freeing the resident wise
true Self and reducing related psychological wounds; and...
the
traditional 12 addiction-recovery steps can be a useful guide to
reducing psychological wounds and addictions if the
12 steps are amended to include the idea of reducing psychological
wounds
The article illustrates such an amendment, and compares it
to the official ACoA version of the traditional 12 steps
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get
what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's
answering
these questions - your
true Self,
or
someone else?
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/12steps.htm
Background