Q12)
How does inner-wound
recovery relate to 12-step recovery from addictions?
There
is
little public or professional doubt now that the
12-step "Anonymous"
philosophy and its global network of support groups is an effective
way for most addicts to "recover" from (manage) their toxic compulsions.
As the
recovering "ACoA" son of alcoholic
parents
and working clinically with scores of addicts, I've learned a lot
about addiction, the 12-step philosophy, and addiction "recovery." After
31 years'
practice of family-systems therapy, including two decades of studying and
practicing
inner-family therapy, I now
believe...
all
four kinds of
addiction are well-meant
false-self strategies to self-medicate
(temporarily mute) unbearable inner pain - i.e. shame + guilt + confusion + anxieties +
hurt + rage + sadness + despair;
12-step programs
can be effective at arresting, vs.curing, toxic
self-medication
strategies. These programs promote what
may be called preliminary recovery, because they don't advocate reducing the underlying psychological wounds. Evidence: addicts who stop
attending 12-step meetings often resume their toxic compulsions (relapse);
and I believe...
intentionally working to free
your true Self and increase inner-family
harmony isfullrecovery. It includes effective strategies to permanently
replace
inner pain or numbness with steady serenity, clarity, awareness, and
resilient life-purpose.
Based on this, I respectfully propose this
amendment to the 12 "Anonymous" steps to
promote
full recovery from psychological wounds.
Using the traditional "Anonymous"
label prolongs the obsolete, self-amplifying delusion that addictions are shameful
"character defects."No, they are false-selves' normal attempts to survive andreduce intolerable chronic
inner pain! Addictions are unconscious (and with alcohol, genetic)
responses which inexorably overcome "willpower" and "logic."
Self-medicating is no more shameful
than reflexes like breathing, burping, crying, passing gas, sweating, or vomiting.
I trust we're moving slowly toward changing "Anonymous" 12-step
program-titles to something like "Recoverers United."
Q15)
Is there a
best way to reduce psychological wounds?
Recovery from psychological wounds is
as unique as your fingerprints and DNA. No one else has the composition,
history, and dynamics of your inner family. No one else lives in the social
and physical environment you do, or has your unique mix of dreams, fears,
assets, experiences, limitations, and person-ality traits.
So by definition,
if
you're burdened with significant psychological wounds, your recovery process
must be unique. However, you have the same
goals as other wounded people: freeing your Self to harmonize your inner
family, over time; and patiently reducing any related psychological wounds you suffer.
You also have the same resources available to you. Study this
overview of typical inner-family
recovery.
Q18)
Do I need
professional
help to reduce my wounds? If so, how can I pick a qualified
helper?
If you feel your psychological wounds
significantly degrade your health, relationships, and
serenity, you'll probably benefit from some qualified professional help
during your recovery process. Definitions of
qualified vary as widely as current theories of "personality disorders" and
"effective therapy."
From
31 years' study and practice of psychotherapy with
over 1,000 average women and men (and original training as an
engineer), I'm biased toward
family-system-based schemes as being more effective than most other brands of
"talk
therapy." Effective means "promoting desired permanent
(core attitude)
changes.
In particular, I recommend a veteran
licensed social worker,
psychologist, professional counselor (LPC), marriage and family counselor
(LMFT), or pastoral counselor who has training and experience in inner-family
therapy or
"parts work." The
Center for Self Leadership
(CSL) trains therapists in
this model, and may offer a related certificate.
Other therapies that may help in reducing inner wounds
are EMDR ("Eye Movement Desensitization and
Reprocessing"),
Psychodrama,
"(Inner)
Voice Dialog," and "Theophostic."
The effectiveness of any of these clinical approaches is only as good as the
health, experience, and creativity of the clinician. At the least, any therapist or
counselor should be (a) aware of his or her own subselves, and (b)
consistently guided by their resident true Self.
Many experienced clinicians propose that effective healing requires some
(a) personal work and (b) some experience in a group of
recoverers, preferably led by a seasoned professional.
I agree with other clinicians who believe effective
wound-reduction
therapy must include a strong theme of personal spirituality (vs.
religion or mysticism).
This is partly because of the
demonstrated healing power of "turning
over" insoluble or overwhelming personal problems to a trusted Higher Power and
no longer compulsively trying to
control the uncontrol-lable. There is growing documented evidence that
heartfelt, humble individual and group prayer really does seem to foster
desired change, often in unexpected ways.
Any recovery professional you choose should be grounded in
Lessons 1 thru 8
or equivalent. For more perspective,
see this Q&A page
on "counseling."
Q20) Why haven't I heard about inner wounds, subselves and
wound-recovery before?
There are at least two reasons. For perspective
on the first - public ignorance and skepticism - note that the popularization
and acceptance of familytherapy vs. psychoanalysis, has taken
60 years (and is still happening). Clinical acceptance of multiple
personalities and other "dissociative disorders" is less than two generations
old. Public awareness lags that.
The new concepts of modular brain
functioning and the origins, dynamics, and effects of personality subselves were unknown to your ancestors and childhood teachers.
They're too new and controversial to have seeped into general public (your)
awareness yet.
The second reason these concepts are new to you and your peers is repugnant
to most people.
The unacknowledged [wounds + unawareness]
cycle proposed here inexorably implies that
American society provides no legal sanctions discouraging unwise child conceptions
and ineffective parenting - and they deny that, tho
conclusive evidence is everywhere.
We require vehicle operators, attorneys, police, plumbers, veterinarians,
teachers, pilots, doctors, food purveyors, and CPAs to pass rigorous
competency tests to practice - but we don't license couples to conceive and
raise children yet.
Our
governments and institutions use our tax money to analyze, report, and
try to cure (vs. prevent) major symptoms of low-nurturance parenting, like
crime, cancer, obesity, abortions, addictions, terrorism, homelessness, child abuse,
welfare,
suicide, murder, "mental
illness,"
divorce, and "clinical
depression."
We do that
rather than face the horror that we are a nation of wounded people unable to
admit our widespread wounds, where they came from, and
what theymean to living and future generations and our environment. Our society
has not hit a meaningful
"bottom" yet, so our citizens and
legislators continue to
deny our denials and
focus fruitlessly on curbing surface problems.
Because this is so controversial and impactful, I know of no organization
or media that has funded a concerted national effort to raise debate,
research, and public awareness of the repugnant, vital need to license
responsible parenting. As cartoon character Pogo said years ago,
"We have met
the enemy, and he is us."
Until this changes, people like you must courageously
assess and
heal
your own wounds, forgive your unaware
ancestors and younger selves,
admit and grieve your
losses, and
protect your kids
and grandkids from false-self dominance by
working patiently to raise the nurturance levels
of your homes - despite major distractions, conflicts, and competing
responsibilities.
Are
your family adults doing that for each other and your descendents yet?
