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The Web address of this quiz is http://sfhelp.org/parent/quiz6.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit, ad-free Web site.

        This is one of a series of articles in Lesson 6 - learn what typical kids need as they grow, and how to fill their needs effectively over two decades without neglecting yourself. The range and scope of major social problems suggests that U.S. parents are failing at this. The solution begins with awareness and education.

       Premise: informed parenting is the single most powerful way to break the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle that is depleting our culture and planet.

        This quiz assumes you're familiar with...

the intro to this nonprofit web site and the premises underlying it self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 5 minor kids' normal developmental needs traits of a high-nurturance family perspective on Dr. Erik Erikson's stages of human development

        This quiz is one of several in this educational Web site to help you decide whether you and/or someone else should study this essential online course. The more you know about these fundamental topics, the more effective you can be in raising a child over two decades while filling your own needs.

        To get the most from this quiz, choose at least 30" of undistracted time. Consider whether jour-naling about your experience would increase your awareness and learnings. If you've begun to under-stand who leads the subselves that form your personality, decide whether your true Self is taking this quiz, or some other well-meaning subselves (a "false self") are. If not your Self, expect skewed results here.

        On a scale of one (totally ignorant) to ten (extremely knowledgeable), how would you rate your knowledge of effective-parenting basics? ___  Would others who know you well agree? Options - on the same 1-10 scale, rate the parenting knowledge of your mate ___, your mother ___, your father ___ and your grandparents ___ .

        Answers to most items are provided via links to a popup or another article. To get an accurate feel-ing for what you need to know, I suggest you take the whole quiz before following any links, If there are young people in your life, keep them in mind as you respond to these items. Alternatively, think of your-self as a young child and the people who raised you.

        Options - use this quiz before and after studying Lesson 6 to see what you learned. Use a separate page to write out your answers so you can save and check them later, and/or discuss them with others. Check an item only if you can check all sub-items.

  What Do You Know About Effective Parenting?

        The answers here are meant to promote your family adults' awareness, reflection, and discussion, not to decree absolutes. Many links below will take you to other pages. Return here after using each of them to avoid having too many windows open at once.

        "Parenting" is an exceptionally complex topic. To benefit fully from this quiz, expect to take many hours to finish it, including any meditations and discussions it provokes.

Foundations

__ 1)  Premise - having informed answers to these five quizzes is essential for effective parenting:

_  Lesson 1 (about personalities, subselves, psychological wounds, and wound reduction).

_  Lesson 2 (about effective thinking, communication, and problem-solving).

_  Lesson 3 (about bonding, losses, and healthy three-level grief).

_  Lesson 4 (about healthy relationships); and...

_  Lesson 5 (about high-nurturance families).

Knowledge about Effective Parenting

__  2)  Define ''effective parenting'' (child raising);

__  3)  Explain how parenting effectiveness relates to the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle.

__  4)  Explain when effective parenting begins.

__  5)  Define four or more common goals of effective parenting

__  6)  Describe how couples can judge if they're ready to raise a child successfully.

__  7)  Describe...

• at least 15 of the ~25 normal developmental needs of typical children, and...

• the eight stages of normal human development proposed by Dr. Erik Erickson.

__  8)  Describe six essential traits of effective parents.

__  9)  Define at least two criteria for judging the effectiveness of any parent.

__  10)  Name at least 10 traits of an effectively-parented adult child (a "Grown Nurtured Child,"
            or GNC).

__  11)  Name two things that effective parents usually rank higher than the welfare of their dependent             kids, except in emergencies. 

__  12)  Explain the purpose of family roles and rules,

__  13)  Describe the several purposes of child discipline.

__  14)  Describe at least seven guidelines for effective child discipline.

__  15)  Name at least ten differences between communicating to adults and to typical kids and teens.

__  16)  I know how and why to monitor and regulate a child's use of TV, the Internet, texting, and video             games. (True / False / I'm not sure)

__  17)  I know when and how to _ explain a personal "life mission" and "living on purpose" to a child,                and how to _ respectfully encourage the child to discover and cultivate their life purpose.

__  18)  Describe why, how, and when to teach a child to be aware of _ themselves, interactions with              others, and _ their environment.

__  19)  Describe how, why, and when to teach a child about _ normal personality subselves, their true             Self, and false self; and _ how to best use this knowledge;

__  20)  Describe why, how, and when to teach a child how to _ recognize and _ settle internal conflicts,             and how to _ harmonize his or her ''inner family'' of subselves.

__  21)  Describe why, when, and how to teach a child to _ understand, _ accept, and _ assert their             personal human rights effectively, with minimal guilt or anxiety.

__  22)  Describe at least six of the key differences between a nurturing relationship and a toxic rela-          tionship.  

__  23)  Describe...

_  an interpersonal (or innerpersonal) relationship triangle

_  why triangles can be significantly stressful - specially if minor kids are involved; and...

_  what responsible adults can do to avoid and permanently dissolve significant triangles.

__  24)  Explain...

_ when to start teaching a child self respect ("high self esteem") and...

_ non-egotistical pride, and...

_ how to recognize and minimize shame and embarrassment; and explain...

_  how to teach each of these effectively to a child, over time.

__  25)  I know how to teach a child to _ value and invite cooperation among different people, and to
            _ appreciate and enjoy (vs. judge or fear) the differences between people. (True / False / ? )

__  26)  Describe how and when to teach a child to _ understand and _ appreciate common gender-            based (male / female) differences; and _ healthy sexual attitudes and practices.

__  27)  Describe how to teach a child how to make healthy choices about _ whom to trust, _ with what,             and _ how to relate effectively to people they don't trust

__  28)  Describe how and when to teach a child how to develop, understand, and use empathy with             other living things - including how to listen to others empathically.

__  29)  I know how to _ teach a child how to differentiate abuse, aggression, assertion, and submis-            sion; and _ how to react appropriately to each of these.

__  30)  I know how and when to teach a child how to _ analyze and _ resolve significant relationship             "problems" (unmet needs).

__  31)  I know _ why typical kids (and adults) may lie or withhold their truth, and _ how to react when             they do.

__  32)  Describe what causes anger and frustration, _ a healthy family anger policy, and _ how and             when to teach a child to understand and use anger and frustration constructively.

__  33)  Describe how and when to teach a child about _ bonding, _ losses, and _ healthy grieving, and             how to support a mourner effectively.

__  34)  Describe how to teach a child how to _ regulate and _ use worries and fears constructively

__  35)  Describe how to teach a child to _ understand guilt, _ how to reduce excessive guilt to normal,             _ how to avoid unmerited guilt, and _ how to react to guilt-based people.

__  36)  Describe how to teach a child to _ take responsibility for their decisions and actions, and             to _ give others responsibility for theirs, without excessive guilt, shame, or anxiety.

__  37)  Describe _ how and _ when to teach a child the difference between spirituality and religion,             and _ how and _ from whom to seek spiritual awareness, wisdom, and support.

__  38)  I know how to _ teach a child to _ develop and _ live by their own healthy sense of right and             wrong, _ how to be honest about mistakes, and _ how to learn from them.

__  39)  Describe how and why to teach a child _ how their body works, _ how to choose a healthy diet,
             _ how to manage and enjoy their sensuality and sexuality well, and _ how to balance work, play,             and rest.

__  40)  Describe how and when to teach a child _ what an addiction is, _ why people become ad-            dicts, and _ how and why to avoid enabling or scorning addicted people.

__  41)  Explain how to teach a child to want to balance immediate and long-tem gratification.

__  42)  Name _ the main social skills a child needs to learn in order to be a self-sufficient young             adult, and _ decide if you know how and when to teach them these skills. (Yes / No / ?)

        Can you think of other questions about effective parenting that should be included here?

Pause and reflect - what are you thinking and feeling now? On a scale of one (totally ignorant) to ten (extremely knowledgeable), how would you rate your knowledge of effective-parenting basics now? ___  Would others who know you well agree?

        On the same 1-10 scale, rate the parenting knowledge of your mate ___, your mother ___, your father ___ and your grandparents ___. Did your ratings change from the first time you did this?

What Now?

        If you found all these items overwhelming, easy does it. I've found very few experienced family adults who could accurately answer more than a third of these parenting questions. Most of our parents and grandparents didn't know many of these things when they were raising us, and many human-service pro-fessionals were never taught them all (!) 

        I hope this quiz motivates you to learn more about the vital art and skill of effective parenting. Is there anyone you want to give a copy of this quiz to or refer them to this Web article?

        Option: re-read this quiz, identify the links that intrigue you, and follow each of them over some  days or weeks to learn what's there. Another option is to find a motivated partner to study, discuss, and mull as you go. Review these suggestions about how to best use this site.

        Continue studying Lesson 6. If you're in a stepfamily (or may be), there's more on effective co-parenting in Lesson 7.

       Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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Updated  November 18, 2011