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Can you clearly define personal pride to an average pre-teen? Have you been taught that pride is a personal asset or a "deadly sin" and shameful trait? Can you say how personal pride relates to (a) self-respect, (b) self-love, (c) egotism, and (d) shame ("low self esteem")? Premises: personal pride is feeling the same admiration, approval, and respect for yourself and your achievements as you do for any other respected adult or child. Humility is feeling as worthy as all other people, vs. superior or inferior to them in some way. Being humble does not mean discounting your abilities or achievements! Many shame-based survivors of childhood neglect and trauma believe they should avoid personal pride, don't "deserve it," or are "egotistical and selfish" and/or "sinners" if they feel and express it. They also may have been taught to scorn or pity others who show or express merited personal pride (vs. egotism). Premise: feeling and expressing genuine pride in your personal talents and achievements is healthy - if it's balanced with genuine humility and mutual respect for all other people. Learning to accept this idea without anxiety, "false modesty," or significant guilt may be a second-order change. Making this change is a vital part of reducing the crippling psychological wound of excessive shame. Project 1 in this nonprofit Web site focuses on identifying and reducing this wound and five others, using inner-family therapy. Project 1 index / more detail / bill of personal rights / close |
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