About Shame and Guilt

        Shame  (low self esteem / self disdain) is the primal human emotion related to believing "I am a worthless, unlovable, disgusting, inept, stupid, ugly person / male / female." This crippling belief usually starts in early childhood, if we're taught that our worth depends on pleasing other people (like parents and teachers). Scorn, exclusion, and disrespect promote lo-cal or enduring shame, which promotes self-neglect and addictions. Pub-lic shame causes the emotion of embarrassment.

        Guilt is a normal emotional reaction to our protective Inner Critic pro-claiming "You broke a rule - a should (not), must (not), or ought (not) - you did something 'wrong')." Feeling guilty ("I did a bad thing") often amplifies personal shame (I am a bad thing!"), and feels similar to it. Moderate shame and guilt promote healthy personal decisions.

        Excessive shame and guilts are common in people raised in a low nurturance childhood. Many divorcing and stepfamily adults suffer these and up to five more false-self wounds, which promote low-nurturance relationships and families. Project 1 in this site offers a framework for reducing these wounds over time. Excessive shame is reduced differently than excessive guilt. 

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