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Premises - All human behavior tries to prevent or reduce emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual discomforts - i.e. to fill needs. Meditation usually discloses that what you think you need ("I need to balance my checkbook") is a surface or secondary need caused by several underlying primary needs ("I really need to reduce my anxieties about bouncing checks + lowering my credit rating + embarrassment and guilt + incurring a bank fee.") We're usually OK-enough focusing on our surface needs. To resolve major conflicts and crises effectively, use awareness and dig-down skills to discern (a) what each involved person really needs, and (b) who's respon-sible for filling each major need. Healthy (able) adults are each responsible for (a) discerning and filling their own primary needs, and (b) ranking others' needs equally with their own in non-emergencies. Most troubled adults and kids are ruled by un-informed, insecure, shamed false selves. To reduce or avoid shame, guilt, overwhelm, and fears (i.e. pain), their ruling subselves avoid, distort, and blame others for current (surface) problems. True Selves are much more likely to identify and accept responsibility for reducing current discomforts. Family Project 1 empowers true Selves over time, and Project 2 offers seven learnable skills to (a) identify, assert, negotiate, and fill your primary needs, and (b) help other people fill theirs when they wish help. |
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