About Being "Shame-Based"

     Typical people raised in low-nurturance childhoods seem to bear two to six psy-chological wounds. The wound of excessive shame (feeling worthless, inept, and unlovable) is so painful, typical Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) develop a variety of defenses against it - e.g. reality distortion,  distraction, projection ("You're worth-less, not me!"), repression (numbing), and self-medication. They may appear so-cially self confidant and self-respecting, but behavioral clues suggest that's a skillful pretense.

     The excessive-shame wound seems to be caused by the neglected young child  developing a personality subself who carries intense feelings of worthless- ness, unlovability, and self-disgust - the Shamed Child. To soothe and comfort this pow-erful Inner Child,  the person also develops some tireless Guardian subselves - like a People Pleaser, Achiever, Perfectionist, Procrastinator, Addict, Magician, Liar-Con, and Competitor. Until the resident wise true Self solidly manages the per-son's personality, these well-intentioned Guardian subselves often control her or his perceptions and actions without their awareness. Such GWCs can be called "shame-based," to distinguish them from other wounded people who are fear-based, excessively guilty, or other.

     A high percentage of average divorcing and stepfamily adults appear to be shame-based or fear-based - and don't (want to) know that. This promotes raising wounded descendents. Once admitted, all six wounds can be significantly redu-ced by patient work at personal recovery. One recovery goal becomes helping the Shamed Child to develop genuine self respect, and redirecting the protective Guardian subselves to more helpful personality "jobs" (roles). Here, family Project 1 focuses on identifying and reducing significant false-self wounds.

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