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The article assumes
you're familiar with six or seven prevention
If you're not,
study these introductory
pages to get the most from reading this.
This article
is one of a series on how concerned lay people and human-service
professionals can help to
prevent common symptoms of
the toxic [wounds + unawareness]
like these...
-
public
and legislative tolerance for unhealthy marital,
child-conception, and social-environment choices,
-
unintended child
and
and related
psychological ("false self")
-
significant marital and family
and
trauma,
and...
-
public and professional ignorance of
This
article builds on the premise that once
like you are aware
of the causes and effects of the [wounds + unawareness] cycle, they
have a moral obligation to alert
other people to them, and work to prevent family stress and divorce.
The first two pages of this series propose three specific steps
human-service professionals can take to alert family members,
co-workers, clients or patients, and selected target groups of other people
on these causes, effects, and cycle-prevention options.
You
can use the information in this nonprofit Web site to...
-
any
personal wounds and nourish your own family relationships;
-
improve the
effectiveness of your present professional work, and to...
-
empower other people to
prevent
personal and family stress and divorce.
This article and series
focuses on the last two goals. These Project-1
resources focus on the first goal. As you read in the introduction, you have a
wide range of options to tailor and accomplish these goals if you're
motivated to do so.
This article
offers perspective on (a) how the cycle may affect you and the people you
work with and for, and (b) summarizes cycle-prevention options in your profession.
You'll get the most from reading
this if you study this slide
presentation and read or review this four-page introduction
first.
Pause, breathe, and say out loud why you're reading this article.
What do
you
|
This article is written to student and veteran community-organization
professionals, and the people
who train, evaluate, hire, supervise, and fund them. If you're in another
human-service profession, follow the appropriate
|
Perspective
I have a master's degree in social work (MSW), and have 26 years' experience
as a marital and
family therapist. I am also the recovering ACoA
son of two very
and
parents. My clinical
education, research, and experience suggest that most "family problems" come from adults'
inherited psychological
+
As a professional life coach your heart, gifts, and your profession empower you to help
prevent the toxic
effects of this destructive
with
your co-workers and clients.
I assume...
-
your professional goal and
valuable skill is to (a) assess key
of troubled persons and families, and (b) facilitate their connection
with appropriate human-service programs, agencies, consultants, and
resources; and...
-
you
probably have little or no formal training in these
and I assume...
-
if you could teach your
clients practical information that would empower them to fill their key
needs more effectively, you'd want to do so.
In the 1960s, psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed that human behavior is based on a
natural (unconscious) hierarchy of
The people you serve are probably focused on filling the two most basic
need-levels: physical and emotional security and comfort (a) now and (b) in the
immediate future. They probably don't know what they need to know to fill
these needs on their own, and their current stressors distract them from learning.
Implication: your client adults and human-service colleagues need empathic encouragement and
guidance on why and how to learn and apply up to six vital topics:
-
(a) How low early-childhood nurturance
(psychological
promotes two to seven psychological
(b) what these wounds usually
to persons, families, and society; and (c) options for
and
preventing these wounds;
-
Effective
communication, and
problem-solving basics, and seven
powerful communication (relationship)
-
Basic information on human
(attachments),
(broken bonds), healthy three-level
and
families;
-
Minor kids'
developmental and
family-adjustment
needs, and effective child-raising
basics;
-
How and when to make three wise
primary-partner
- specially after divorce or mate-death; and some people need to
learn...
-
clear, accurate information on stepfamily
basics, norms,
The
introduction to this prevention series suggests
three steps to
prepare yourself to guide and encourage
your client-families to learn and apply these vital topics: (1) study the
topics, assess yourself and
your family for significant effects of the [wounds +
ignorance] cycle, and (2) work to reduce any false-self
wounds you bear. Then (3) decide if you want to alert others to
what you've learned, pick a target group to alert, and act.
Wanting to prevent family stress by alerting others to these topics is most
likely after you invest time and
effort in the first two steps. What follows assumes you have done so.
To set the stage, check your
knowledge of
the topics so
far, and return.
Options for
Preventing Family Stress
You can significantly help to reduce the toxic effects of the [wounds + ignorance]
cycle by alerting (a) your family members and friends,
(b) your professional co-workers, and (c) your client families to the six
topics above.
Alert Your Co-workers and Colleagues
Reflect: how many of the people with whom you work regularly - including
supervisors, program directors, coworkers and other human-service
- could answer "True" to most of the items in this
knowledge
inventory?
If they could, how would that affect the quality of service they provide and
their self-satisfaction? For perspective and options for teaching these topics to
your co-workers and clients, review and apply this article. For ideas on alerting the professional associations you
support, see this.
Alert Your Client Families
Premise: families who need social assistance to function are
always managed by
who lack knowledge of the key topics above. This implies that typical client adults are probably focused on daily
survival (need-levels
and have little time or motivation to work
proactively at "personal growth" - i.e. on freeing their family from the
stressful effects of the [wounds + ignorance] cycle. You can still help to empower such
people reduce their wounds and fill their needs better by "seeding"
key aspects of the topics above in your contacts with them. Options...
-
steadily model and encourage client
adults to adopt a long range outlook (e.g. "past your middle
age") while you help them learn how to fill their immediate needs.
Otherwise, clients are at risk of putting out endless brush fires
instead of "fireproofing the forest."
-
(a)
encourage
clients to study and discuss brief handouts describing the key topics
above (e.g. printed copies of selected Web articles in this
site), and (b) refer repeatedly to key handout ideas in your work with
your clients and co-workers.
-
repeatedly explain and use key
terms in your verbal and written
communications with them, vs. "lecturing." Over time, this
promotes clients learning key concepts - specially if you tie the
terms and concepts to
the client's current "problems." Examples:
"Stop and reflect - what are
you two doing right now? What needs are you trying to fill?"
This promotes learning awareness of the clients'
communication process and current needs.
"What do you think (another
client-family member) needs from you - specifically - in this
situation?" (Promotes clients' awareness of needs
as a basic step toward effective problem-solving).
"Are you two problem-solving now, or
doing something else?" This can lead into a brief verbal review
of the common
to effective problem-solving.
"Who do you think is guiding
your personality / making your decisions / running your life now -
your true Self or some other
subselves?"
(Alternative - "Who do you think just used your vocal chords -
your true Self or some other subself?")
This promotes clients learning to
recognize true-Self and false-self personality dominance, and get
curious about what their options are - specially if they want to
help minor kids have their true Self (capital "S") guiding them.
"Do you feel that was
(between two or more client-family members)? Did each of you get
your
met well enough?"
Two
key themes for helping client families learn to apply these topics while
empowering them to become self-sufficient: First,
focus on modeling and teaching
effective communication and problem-solving skills. This is an
effective, viable way they can learn to "fireproof the forest."
Second, acknowledge that typical clients are too distracted by current
problems to work proactively at identifying and healing their psychological
wounds. Settle for "seeding" their awareness of the wounds and their
recovery options by offering brief written handouts and brief comments. Then
use the
and avoid trying to "save" your clients!
.
Recap
Premise - most (all?) typical
clients that social (welfare) caseworkers serve carry major psychological
-They rarely know this, or what it
or what to
about it. Most (all?) clients are also unaware of six sets of
human-relationship basics and skills. Their combined [wounds + ignorance]
causes recurring personal and family problems that social workers and
caseworkers try to help them resolve via a network of social-support
programs and agencies. It's likely that many or most professional
caseworkers are significantly wounded and ignorant themselves.
This article is one of a series on three steps
anyone can take to help break the pervasive [wounds + ignorance] cycle that
burdens their family-members, co-workers, and the people they serve. The
article builds on these steps to offer professional caseworkers perspective
on, and options for, client-family stress reduction and prevention.
Caseworkers have a great opportunity and an ethical responsibility to (a)
educate themselves on six or seven key topics, and then (b) proactively seek
ways to interest their coworkers and client families in learning and
applying the topics.
Pause, breathe, and reflect: did you get what you needed from this article?
If so, what do you want to do next? If not, what
you need now?
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The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/prevent/communityorg.htm