1) Key:
yourself
for false-self wounds.
If your true Self is often
(a) your family and descendents are vulnerable to the [wounds + ignorance]
cycle, and (b) it will be hard or impossible for you to endorse and act
effectively on these family-stress prevention options.
2) Evaluate the
nurturance level of your work setting. My
research and experience suggests
that those of us who are significantly controlled by a false self unconsciously
choose (or co-create)
low-nurturance human settings like the one we grew up in. Such settings
(a) inhibit our
awareness and healing, and (b) promote false-self dominance in the staff and the people
being served. When the setting is a pre-college school,
this is specially tragic.
If
you teach in a classroom setting, you can also ...
3) Evaluate the
of your classroom/s. It is determined by your wholistic
health, and that of the people who's policies you follow - i.e. your school
district board, your superintendent, and/or your department
chairperson. If the nurturance level is low,
you're probably unintentionally
promoting psychological wounding and denial of it.
4) Scan this 8-module course designed to
alert groups of adults and/or older kids on wound-recovery and
communication, grieving, and stepfamily basics. You're welcome to use or
adapt any of the modules in your work at no charge, unless you make a
Then...
5)
Evaluate
the content of your own lesson plans, and/or your departmental or organization's
curriculum.
If those don't directly or indirectly alert students to
the four main topics here, who's responsible for changing that? What
obstacles need overcoming? When your students graduate, how many of
these life-skill awarenesses do they have? Which
fall within your organization's scope?
These five concrete
options extend these three prevention steps to alert your students to
the [wounds + ignorance] cycle and its toxic personal and social effects. Paradoxically,
you won't really appreciate the scope and need for this help until you
do the four evaluations above. When your
organizations' students are elderly and mull how your teaching affected
their lives, what do you want
them to think? What do you want to think, when you retire?
Resources
This nonprofit educational Web site offers many
resources to help you alert your
students to the
and its
-
and its related guidebook
"Who's Really Running Your Life?" outline how to assess for inner wounds and reduce them;
-
and its guidebook "Satisfactions" presents seven communication
that
empower adults and kids to fill their and others'
-
and
offer basic
stepfamily information that co-parents need to know, but usually don't
seek during
courtship; and ...
-
overviews healthy three-level
and how to promote
relationships and families.
Whether you choose to alert your colleagues, administrators, and students to
the [wounds + ignorance] cycle or not, consider this core...
Option: Assess You and
Your Workplace
Reality check: on a scale of one (my true Self usually
my
personality) to 10 (I am usually dominated by a
I see myself now as a
___. Note that a typical protective false-self will
protectively
your answer to this, and earnestly
doing so.
Your "workplace" is comprised of (a) a physical setting and environment, (b)
lay and professional co-workers and colleagues, and (c) social factors like
laws, policies, and resources that affect whom you work with, how you
provide your service, and the results of your service. Collectively, these
factors can be judged to be "very low-nurturance" (seldom filling the
of the people involved) to "very high-nurturance" - frequently filling
everyone's primary needs.
Premises:
significantly
wounded people unconsciously seek (a) human-service avocations or
professions, and (b) wounded associates and
low-nurturance workplaces. (c)
Working in a low-nurturance physical and/or social setting hinders personal
and delivery of effective human-services
(like education). Do you agree with these
ideas? Could they pertain to you?
Options: honestly assess (a) your current life
priorities, (b)
for significant false-self wounds; (c) the
nurturance-level of your physical and
social workplaces, and (d) what these mean long-term for the quality and
productivity of your life.
If you conclude that you're currently choosing to work in a low-nurturance
workplace, as long as you remain there and don't lobby for constructive
changes...
-
your
(a) odds for meaningful personal-wound
are reduced, and (b) odds for ongoing work-related stress are increased;
-
at
best, your clients are probably receiving minimally to
moderately-effective professional services from you and your co-workers
and colleagues; and...
-
these won't
change unless you choose to (a)
your true Self, (b)
assess whether raising your workplace's nurturance-level significantly
is viable or not, (c) take responsibility for working for constructive
change, or finding a more nurturing workplace.
Recap
This is one of a series of articles in this Web site devoted to
preventing family stress and (re)divorce
trauma, and the anguish that leads to it. Millions of average adults live in unhappy families every day, and don't know
how to reduce the real problems for their and their kids' sakes. As a
therapist specializing in work with typical divorcing families and stepfamilies since
1981, I believe that one reason for this unhappiness is lack of
awareness of...
-
low-nurturance (ineffective) parenting, which
silently promotes widespread psychological
in young kids;
-
effective communication basics and seven
essential
and ...
-
healthy and blocked grief,
and requisites for a
For many of these anguished millions, another
contributor is ...
The cure for
unawareness is education.
If you're a professional educator or you support educators,
you can
significantly help your students and their families by (a) learning about
these four topics, (b) encouraging your peers and colleagues to do the same,
and (c) melding the topics into your organization's educational
curricula and programs.
False-self wounding and recovery, communication effectiveness, and healthy grieving are universally relevant. I
propose that
teaching most people about them - ideally before they marry and/or
conceive kids, would
significantly reduce the unhappiness that promotes the (re)divorce epidemic
that saps our culture's strength, health, and achievements. Such teaching must be experiential, vs. conceptual,
to be effective.
That's why these prevention articles invite you to evaluate yourself, your family, and
your workplace and curriculum for false-self dominance and low nurturance
levels.
Imagine what might happen if taking an affordable course on these three
subjects were required of...
-
couples before they could marry or
divorce;
-
college students before they could
graduate;
-
people convicted of a crime (a strong
indicator of psychological wounding + unawareness);
-
all human-service professionals before
being licensed to practice;
-
as periodic in-service topics for human-service organizations qualify
for and retain accreditation, funding, and insurance
coverage.
Further imagine all re/marrying couples having to also take a
survey course in vital stepfamily information that they don't know
they need for long-term success. And imagine states and professional
associations requiring human-service providers to demonstrate (a) recovery
from inner wounds, if any, and (b) competence in teaching these three topics to
their students and members, to receive accreditation and licensure.
Picture any young people in your life. Across our land, kids like them - and
their unborn offspring - need us to answer: who will now claim
responsibility for filling the widespread need for public and professional
education on false-self dominance, effective communication and co-parenting, and healthy
grieving? Restated: who will teach parents how to create
high-nurturance
families and protect our kids and society from
divorce?
Will you?
For
more perspective, read this related prevention article written
to professional motivators.
+
+ +
The Web address of this article is