•  site intro > course outline > Lesson 4 study guide or links, site search, chat, or other page > here

  The Web address of this article is http://sfhelp.org/relate/keys/barriers.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.

        This is one of a series of articles in Lesson 4 - choose and evolve nourishing relationships. It pro-poses nine common relationship stressors, and links to solutions for them.

        This article assumes you're familiar with...

the intro to this nonprofit Web site and the premises underlying it Self-study Lessons 1 thru 4 requisites for a satisfying relationship these Q&A items on relationships options for analyzing and resolving most relationship problems options for improving most relationships.

        All healthy adults and kids seek satisfying relationships. Learning to maintain satisfying relation-ships and to resolve relationship problems takes years of experience. Our feel-good, warp-speed culture doesn't prepare most young adults for this vital task very well. That's partly why this nonprofit Web site and its guidebooks exist.

 Premises

        Think of the relationships that have the greatest impact on your daily life and contentment. Then  identify and significant problems you're experiencing with any of them. With them in mind, compare your beliefs with these...

        1)  A relationship exists when the presence, actions, and personality of person "A" has a "sig-nificant effect" on person "B." Significant is a subjective judgment.

        2)  A relationship problem occurs when  either person feels their key relationship needs aren't being met well enough.

        3)  Relationships decay or thrive depending on whether both people can problem-solve (fill unmet needs) effectively or not.

        4) There are many types of relationship, and a wide mosaic of surface needs that they fill. Most surface problems are caused by a mix of nine core factors. Each factor ("barrier") affects the others.

        5)  If either or both partners are psychologically wounded and unaware, they will usually have great difficulty managing the other barriers. This is a major reason for the American divorce epidemic.

        6)  Our society currently doesn't teach people (like you?) (a) to be aware of these relationship bar-riers or (b) how to manage them well enough. This inexorably promotes the lethal [wounds + unaware-ness] cycle.

        From clinical experience with over 1,000 typical women and men and research since 1979, I pro-pose effective resolution options for eight of these relationship barriers. Click on any barrier to learn more about it and these options. Note that dishonesty is not included because that's usually a surface problem.

The most effective way to start redu-cing these barriers is to study and apply... Lesson 1 - assess for and reduce psychological wounds, Lesson 2 - learn to use effective com-munication skills, Lesson 3 - learn and apply healthy-grieving basics; and... Lesson 4 - learn and practice healthy-relationship basics.         Divorcing family and stepfamily members can best resolve their version of these barriers by also studying and applying Lessons 5-7.         Reluctance to invest time and energy in these Lessons is usually a sign of false-self wounds and unawareness.         If you're interested in ways to prevent these barriers and their effects in families and our society, see Lesson 8.

View poll results

Recap

        This Lesson-4 article proposes that most social and internal relationship "problems" result from up to nine specific barriers. Seven are symptoms of two primary stressors: (a) psychological wounds and (b) unawareness in one or more people. Based on 30 years' research and experience, this 8-module self-study course offers practical ways to resolve these relationship barriers and protect kids from inheriting the toxic effects of the  [wounds + unawareness] cycle.

_{+ + +}

        Pause, breathe, and reflect: why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your wise, resident true Self or ''someone else''?  

This article was very helpful  somewhat helpful  not helpful  

<< Lesson 4 links  /  Prior page  /  Print page  >>

 site intro  /  course overview  /  site search  /  definitions  /  chat  /  contact  /  copyright info

Updated  August 30, 2010