The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/mates/news/love.htm
Links below will open a new window or an informational popup - so
please turn off your browsers popup
blocker or accept popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This article is a classic example of
well-meant, superficial "research" and mass-media reportage about marriage.
It misdirects readers from the true causes of marital failure - psychological wounds + an inability to problem-solve + perhaps
unwise commitment choices.
See my comments after the
article. The links and hilights below
are mine.
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Living happily
ever after needn't only be for fairy tales.
Australian researchers have
identified what it takes to keep a couple together, and it's a lot more
than just being in love.
A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or
not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last,
according to a study by researchers from the Australian National
University.
The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly
2,500 couples -- mar-ried or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to
identify factors associated with those who remained together compared
with those who divorced or separated.
It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is
twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before
they turn 25.
Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship,
with one-fifth of couples who
have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in
the same rela-tionship -- having separated compared to just nine
percent of couples without children born before marriage.
Women who want children much more than their partners are also more
likely to get a di-vorce.
A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship,
with the study show-ing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents
ever separated or divorced experi-enced marital separation themselves
compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.
Also, partners who are on their
second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to se-parate
than spouses who are both in their first marriage.
Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of
respondents who indica-ted they were poor or where the husband -- not
the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only
nine percent of couples with healthy finances.
And couples where one partner, and not the other, smokes are also more
likely to have a relationship that ends in failure.
Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the
number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's
employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.
The study was jointly written by Dr Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce
Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr. Peng Yu from
the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous
Affairs.
I've studied family
relationships for 35 years, and counseled over 600 Midwestern-US couples since 1981. The
pattern that has emerged from them is that typical marital stresses come from
four or five com-bined causes:
denied
psychological
wounds
in one or both partners, and...
shared unawareness
and ignorance of up to
7 vital topics,
- specially effective-communication basics; and...
incomplete grief
from major life losses (broken bonds). These promote...
troubled couples
can find little
informed
help available in their community or the media.
These well-meaning
Australian researchers did not test for these variables in assessing the 2,500
couples they studied for six years. In my experience, this omission is
common among reputable (una-ware) social researchers and relationship authors
and educators.
This Web article illustrates two major, reputable media sources with a wide readership
(Reuters and Yahoo News) suggesting superficial causes of marital
separations - at least with Australian couples. This unintentionally hinders family
adults and human-service professionals from awareness of the five stres-sors
above and what they mean - epidemic psychological and
legal divorce, and major family and social trauma.
Divorce
is a sign of - and a cause of the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle that
blights most societies. For more perspective, see this
article.For three useful steps to
prevent divorce, see this.
Lessons 1-7 in this nonprofit Web site offer practical help in combating the first four stressors
above.
+ + +
Pause,
breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you
needed? If not, what do you need? Who's
answering
these questions - your
true Self,
or
someone else?
The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/mates/news/love.htm
Comments